How Weird (This is our 100th Post)

You should check out my post from the 15th because apparently when you save something as a draft it publishes it on the day you started it, not the day you finished it. Life is just full of little surprises.

Crying Out For Consistency

I wrote this in an email to Elsa but I thought I'd share it with the blogging world too:

"My life lacks consistency and it’s funny because for my entire life I have been the biggest creature of habit ever. I always feared change because I never want to stand out never wanted to be noticed. Wore the same kind of clothes to school everyday because it was comfortable. Now I feel like I change day to day. How I dress, when I eat, when I sleep. I’m always changing I couldn’t tell you why but I feel like I am. I’m still the same person at the core my skin changes everyday. My life lacks consistency which is often fun but often frustrating. I am a drifter in my own life weaving tapestries at random then praying they turn out how I dreamed. Don’t get me wrong I don’t change for the sake of attention I change because I’ve learned not to care. I’ve learned that things that seem blatantly obvious to myself are deeply hidden from those around me. I have grown up. I have changed. I love that. I wonder what I used to think I would turn out like. I wonder if the me of four years ago would even recognize the me of today. I think he probably would I think today was always in yesterday somewhere. I used to spend hours daydreaming to keep myself from ever being me. Dreaming of superheroes and athletes rather then being myself. I think I am me now. For the most part."

On another note:

It's weird I had to write about a book that I never really read for class and yet somehow four pages later I found myself still having more to say about it. Even though I only read a few chapters it still apparently had some kind of affect on me. That is mostly just a random thought. Later.

Random Pic & Random Words

This is our cat, Godiva, when she was just a kitten. She has gotten prettier with time. But awww... isn't she cute. I love her. That's just a random picture and has not much to do with what I was going to say in this post.

I was just going to say that today was weird no going to church and all. We did not get any snow until late tonight so I don't think that we'll get much.

I have my first pre-calc test Monday so I have been studying for that. Yuck. Other than that I have not done very much with my day. I helped Daniel study for Spanish. I wrote in my journal. I got wrote and email. I got a shower. I ate some food, twice. And I am now writing a blog post. Wow, what an exciting life I lead. I need to study some more if I don't want to fail so I guess off I go. Sorry this was a waste of your time.

Drip

Waiting stinks. I hate waiting especially when I hope I'm waiting for nothing. It's going to be a long day. I really don't want to back to school or work. I really don't care about work and school but I really don't like today all the sudden.

Brains

I just remembered I don't have my five o' clock class and the most exciting part is that I remembered before I drove to my five o' clock class.

I like snow but it's on my nerves a little. My school is a mess. There is snow and ice everywhere and there's nothing like trying not to break your neck on the wat to math class. I helps my motivation so much. Actually math is my easy class this semester. I really don't mind any of my classes this semester but school does get old. Homework. That's what i hate, homework. I could seriously stand sitting in class taking notes and maybe even the occasional test or quiz but assignments I can't stand. I spend enough time in class the last thing I need to do is spend my free time.... thinking. Ewww.

I hate thinking. Once I start doing it my brain doesn't like to stop. I have a tendency to overthink things and stress my self out and that sucks. What's even worse is I know I do it and can't seem to not. Just ask Elsa, I'm crazy, I swear I am.

I had a good weekend though. I miss it already. It was absolutely perfect except for the few moments my brain spasmed and I lost my mind due to stress. I just hope Elsa sees through my insantiy and realizes that if she hangs in there maybe someday they'll be able to fix me. Neurosurgery has come along way. Actually I think my brain have exploded yesterday from all the questions Elsa's brother's were asking me. Maybe that's the problem I lack a brain. No my brain is definately here and won't shut up.

An Old, Long Story

Here follows and old post and an incomplete one at that, but one I figured I might as well post rather than just delete... after all I did take the time to write it...

On my way home from work I was cold, tired and feeling like once again my day had the usual lack of having done anything exciting or worth-while. As I passed the spinning wheel diner I read that it was 15 degrees tonight. No wonder I was cold.

I was quickly home and the car only slid a little bit on my way up the drive. As I parked in the garage I thought about bringing in some of the many CDs that have accumulated in both doors but quickly decided once again that I just didn't feel like it. It was too dark to see anything was my excuse; you see the interior light in my car does not work at all. I proceeded across the drive way and up the walkway to our house, but before I reached the door I noticed one of our sleds leaning up against the side of the house. I didn't feel much like going inside so I decided I'd try out the sled real quick. I put down my purse, grabbed up the sled and slid down the slight incline of my front yard. It was pretty fun and carried me all the way across the yard down to my neighbor's fence. Through the fence, in the neighbors field, is a pretty decent hill so I decided to craw under and try it out real quick, before I really started to get cold.

And that's where I stopped writing... cause there my phone jumped out of my pocket and died and I cried.

But to make a long story short (and explain the cow picture) here is a brief description of the rest of what happened. I slid under the hot wire fence and went down the hill and it was an amazing ride. I had to dig my heals heals into the snow to keep from going too far too fast. Oh, and my hands were so cold because no gloves will do that. Once I got to the bottom I heard a noise coming from the woods which I thought, I hoped, were just deer. Wrong. Four huge, big horned steer come walking towards me. I walk away slowly at first but then as they start to gain on me... I run. Not caring if the wire was hot or not I slid under there as fast as I could. Then I ran inside to make sure I still had fingers because I definitely could not feel them and it was almost too dark to see.

And so you think that would be good enough, but no. Fifteen minutes later Daniel and I are out there again. See it's no fun to do these things alone. Dangerous stunts are nothing with no one to see them. Though it took much convincing I finally got him under the fence with me. The only problem was that Dori came too. We were just walking to the point on the hill we would sled from and she starts barking. Apparently the steer like barking even less than just sledding and this time they came running and not walking. We ran! It was dark. It was slippery. We still ran! Or at least I did. I dove under the fence panting fiercely and realized Daniel was not right behind me. Major oh no. But no sooner had I though that than he appeared beside me. Somewhere between screaming and crying we rushed back into the house, Dori following close after. Once we reached warmth and safety Daniel told me he had slipped, tried to pull himself back up using some small trees and maybe hide behind. It did not take him long to realize hiding was not such a good plan. Upon seeing me on our property and realizing safety was not far away he scrambled under the bottom wire and without a further glance behind us we both headed to the house in haste. What a night. Lesson: sledding with big horned steer, not as rewarding as you would think, and completely terrifying if you at all value life.

So it was still a long story, but there you have it.

My iPod Has A Toothache Too

It's really not funny, just when I thought I was finished with the dentist I get a really bad toothache. The whole right side of my face hurts. I want to cry... that also might be because my iPod decided to go back to hating me and playing dead. See that there picture, that's what it shows me every time I try to turn it on. Oh well. Anyway, Mommy called the dentist for me and left a message. It mostly stinks because I am running out of money to pay them. Having no health insurance is one of the more retarded things in this world. Hopefully that will be changing soon, though obviously not soon enough. Whatever. Oh, and it is SO cold outside, the kind of cold where even this lame excuse for snow barely makes it better. So who's yesterday was fun? Personally I think we should have valentine's day off of school every year but not because the roads are too nasty to go anywhere. I had to go to work even though there were only 4 out of 14 kids there. I was the first one down my driveway. My little volkswagon is so good to me. We made it safe and sound to work and back without my road being plowed at all. It did take me a couple tries to get back up the drive but we made it. All in all yesterday was fine though I felt bad about not checking the mail and just getting my card from Colvin today, which by the way was the greatest card ever. I feel bad for all the other girls 'cause they only get second best; I got the most wonderful there is... and actually I don't feel too bad about that!

Snow Day

I like snow.

Here's Sompin Ta Do

Create your own Friend Quiz here

What's your favorite subject?

It sounds like such a middle school question, but I'm curious. I mean I'm taking this education field experience class. At first I was grumpy 'cause one of the texts (just a collection of different short essays and such) was pretty expensive. But as it turns out I like it. We have had two readings in it so far and they have been short and to the point, a good point... well written articles. We have to write a two page response to each one we read and I don't mind doing it at all. I like education, learning how to be a teacher. And I like reading and writing. Suitably my major is in Elementary Education with the specialized content area of English.

It's math, this trig stuff is going to drive me up a wall. I feel as if I've already reached my limit and it's only the third week of class. It's not a good feeling. It's not like I'm trying to complain or be whiny, I'm not. It just amazes me how different I can feel about two classes. Someone please help me if there is a way that I can get a better attitude about math. I do try; I want to not hate it. You see it's hard to put so much time and effort into something you hate so if I got to the point where I could tolerate it, it would be so much easier to do the stuff I have to do.

Really I'm not complaining, other than Precalculus II school is going very well. My job is good. Things are fine at home. I'll be going away this weekend. Things with Colvin are great. I can't wait to see him. As a whole life is good and I'm very undeservingly blessed to be able to say that.

It's Only Winter

Snowflake on a nose,
frozen in time,
wish I could,
Heart in hands,
headstrong,
get along,
It's only winter after all.

Bite this chapped lip,
fingertip,
silence falling words,
Like snowflakes,
won't break,
too long,
It's only winter after all.

"The Last Word of a Bluebird" by Robert Frost

As I went out a Crow
In a low voice said, "oh,
I was looking for you.
How do you do?
I just came to tell you
To tell Lesley (will you?)
That her little Bluebird
Wanted me to bring word
That the north wind last night
That made the stars bright
And made ice on the trough
Almost made him cough
His tail feathers off.
He just had to fly!
But he sent her Good-by,
And said to be good,
And wear her red hood,
And look for skunk tracks
In the snow with an ax-
And do everything!
And perhaps in the spring
He would come back and sing."