More Than Anyone Could Ask For

Thanks for everything.

Josyorrow

The talk did not go extremely well. It fact it was an incredibly rough night. But I guess I said what I needed to say. I'm getting more excited as I think about it but really just constantly praying that I've made the right choice. I have done the best that I can and I know at the very least God knows that and so ask and trust that He will bless my labours the next to years and beyond.
I still hope someday to hear my parents say, "it's okay, do what you think is right, it'll all work out" because support from a thousand people will never replace the ever strong desire to have my parents proud of me. I was thinking how stange and yet how true it is that the people who love you the most can hurt you the most. I never doubt Mom and Dad's love for me and I never for a second stop loving them but that doesn't exactly take the hurt away either. Hopefully the saying "time heals all" will prove correct.
Anyway, though there still is that one piece missing that doesn't stop me from being happy or excited about next fall. 'Cause I am!

Gazing at the Setting Sun

Gazing at the setting sun,
feel its warmth against my face,
an empty seat here next to mine,
dreaming you would take its place

Sunlight streams through window’s pane,
imagine your beauty in its rays,
I wait for you to fill this space,
hold you close and count the days

Tears Never Ending

Lord willing, tonight I'm going to talk to my parents. I will listen to them and hope they do the same for me. This "talk" is going to be about at what college I will be spending the next two years of my life and earning my degree. It has been a long and very hard decision but I have made up my mind. For some reason my parents don't quite agree with my choice and so keep telling me to keep an open mind. It's extremely frustrating. I have a feeling that they think tonight's talk is about trying to convince me to change my mind... but that's not going to happen. I on the other hand just want to clearly state to them what I have chosen and why and hope that for the first time they will be happy for me and support me. We'll see. I know it's really hard for them but they must know that it's not at all easy for me either. Most of all I want to trusted. I want to know they have faith that I have made the right decision. I have put so much thought into it that my brain hurts. But not just my brain hurts, this has been a very hard past few weeks emotionally.
I was talking to Daniel yesterday and he said something like, "how can make all these decisions based on the future when you don't even know exactly how the future will be?". And that's when I realized I can't but I have to. I don't know what will happen a year from now or three years from now but I have to try the best I can to plan right for a future I don't know. I don't know exactly how long it will take to finish school. I don't know where I'll live for the next two years let alone after that. I don't know when I'll be married. I don't know where I'll work while I'm in school and after I'm done. There are a lot of unknowns in my life right now and yet I keep striving to do what's right for right now and for my future. Life is good yes, but it's not easy.
Though there are a lot of question marks floating around in my life and in my mind there are also a few thins which are sure. The first is that the Lord will be with me through thick and thin, that He will love me, watch over me and protect me. The second is that in the end my family (especially Daddy and Mommy) will always be there for me when I need them... and sometimes even when I don't :). The third is that Colvin with always love, support and encourage me.
Finally, no matter what I do I always will remain faithful to all the above listed. My Christianity will not be compromised but rather always growing stronger if the Lord bless. My family will not be disrespected. And my boyfriend will always have my heart and all that I can give him.