Crying Out For Consistency

I wrote this in an email to Elsa but I thought I'd share it with the blogging world too:

"My life lacks consistency and it’s funny because for my entire life I have been the biggest creature of habit ever. I always feared change because I never want to stand out never wanted to be noticed. Wore the same kind of clothes to school everyday because it was comfortable. Now I feel like I change day to day. How I dress, when I eat, when I sleep. I’m always changing I couldn’t tell you why but I feel like I am. I’m still the same person at the core my skin changes everyday. My life lacks consistency which is often fun but often frustrating. I am a drifter in my own life weaving tapestries at random then praying they turn out how I dreamed. Don’t get me wrong I don’t change for the sake of attention I change because I’ve learned not to care. I’ve learned that things that seem blatantly obvious to myself are deeply hidden from those around me. I have grown up. I have changed. I love that. I wonder what I used to think I would turn out like. I wonder if the me of four years ago would even recognize the me of today. I think he probably would I think today was always in yesterday somewhere. I used to spend hours daydreaming to keep myself from ever being me. Dreaming of superheroes and athletes rather then being myself. I think I am me now. For the most part."

On another note:

It's weird I had to write about a book that I never really read for class and yet somehow four pages later I found myself still having more to say about it. Even though I only read a few chapters it still apparently had some kind of affect on me. That is mostly just a random thought. Later.