oneblog42

A Bad Poem Containing a Thought I Had

2008-11-09T16:25:00.003-05:00

What would it feel like to touch the sunset

To reach out to it's warmth and absorb the glow

For the golds to run through you

The pinks to cheer you

While the oranges and reds fill your soul

Like hot tea fills your belly

While enthralled with peace of the amber hues

To forget your woes far below

What would it be like to live in the sunset

To travel the globe and never let it go

Gone for Over a Year

2008-11-01T20:48:00.004-05:00

I am here. I am alive. It has been so long that even I wasn't sure anymore, but here I am.

I'm doing well. A little overwhelmed on some days but on others as happy as anyone could be.

School is crazy and work gets crazy and my family and friends are as they always are... crazy. So you see, life is good. I'm looking forward to a break though. The semester is more than halfway over therefore, I need Thanksgiving to come already!

2008-08-20T23:05:00.000-05:00

Surprise!

2008-08-10T00:19:00.001-05:00

Bet no one saw this one coming.

Goodnight.

God's Autumn

2007-10-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

I really do love this time of year. Everything is beautiful. Yeah, there's homework and lot of other nonsense that tries to get me down but then a beautiful leaf falls gently from above tickling my arm on the way down and with that tiny sensation I fully recall how much I enjoy this season.
I pick up the leaf because there is a part of me that wants to keep it forever thinking that somehow the thin brittle object holds the power to make me suddenly happy. I think if a keep it forever I will always remember and be happy forever. But that's not true. I've tried it before. I still have them and I still love them but a person can only collect and keep so many leaves in their lifetime. If you know me, you know that I don't like the cold but there is something so excellent about a crisp morning with cold dew covering everything. (Notice it's cold and not frozen. Frozen dew is not half so wonderful.) I love the way the fog clings to the trees on my way to school and gives the whole world a dreamy feel. And one of my favorite things of all is the way the sun cuts through the trees and the fog and splits into awesome rays of pure light. It makes me want to pull over the can and run wild into the clearing to throw myself into the sparkling beam. (I promise you they do sparkle they way you see all the particles in the air swirling in the breeze.)
All of this is just to encourge you to take time to smell, not just the roses, but the leaf the falls on your shoulder and the brand new note book you open which is blank and stiff. Take time to look up and see what you think that astounding white cloud looks like. Take time to notice how cute everyone looks all bundled in their sweatshirts. Take time to notice the horses giving up some of their summer sheen for warmer winter wear too. Take a moment and step off the sidewalk. Crunch in the leaves and kick them up into the air. Let people laugh if they want because you appreciate each moment in life and its variability.
Take a minute to thank God for the life you have and for each moment of pure happiness we are blessed with. Set your worries and bitterness aside. Thank God for giving you this special day that He has made and for opening your eyes wide enough to see it! It's a gift from Him. All of it.

So There!

2007-09-27T13:32:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a while but that's 'cause I'm such a busy girl these days. But so much has changed in just few short months. New school. New Job. New house. New... well that might be about it. But that's a lot.
College is is good as it can get. I like my classes and professors and am even making a few friends. The down side is the homework but so far I'm dealing. Work is okay and that's all I shall say on that subject for fear of a rant.
The living situation has been great. I couldn't be happier. I'm so blessed that everything has worked out this well.
I feel more in love with Colvin than ever before (though I really don't see how that's possible). But I'm telling the truth. Somehow in just the span of a day or two I forget or something because then I see him and remember how good looking he is and I laugh with him and remember how fun he is and I talk with him and remember how caring he is. I love him.
But it's time to leave school and get to work so I gotta run.

There! I posted!

Work Yourself Fingers To The Bone, Suck The Marrow Drain My Soul

2007-06-20T12:44:00.000-05:00

I like my job. The main reason I like my job is because I actually do it. The people I work with realize I do my job so that's cool. It's funny because there are all these people who fear all the team leads but me, I could care less about them because I generally am doing what I'm suposed to. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to say I'm some kind of perfect employee or anything just merely making observations. It seems to me like if people put more into their jobs they would get more out of them. Actually doing the job your suposed to be doing and going into it with a good attitude makes all the difference in the world. People complain about how hard they work and how unappreciated they are and I'm sure that's often the case but I have a feeling there are alot of people who don't work hard and wonder why their efforts aren't rewarded. You pay for what you get.

So anyway just a thought. I do enjoy my job but I'm so ready for a vacation. Thankfully I get one soon. Later.

Birthdays

2007-06-09T10:38:00.000-05:00

These are happy times. Especially when you've found the perfect present and birthday person has to wait to find out what it is but keeps trying to get you to tell but you never will! I'm excited. I like birthdays. I like summer. I can't wait for vatcations. I had a dream about being at the beach and swimming and mostly shell hunting and it was wonderful. I found some beautiful sea shells.

Green Eyed Musicians

2007-05-26T16:36:00.000-05:00

You know you are a great band when songs like this don't make your albums. I'm jealous of talented bands.

Fly Farther
By: Jars of Clay

"He picked her up some flowers on a Sunday afternoon
Set out on the porch swing underneath the crescent moon
A lifetime seemed to pass staring at the skies
And on the swing he gave her the ring
There were tears in her eyes
He said 'I pray I'm not alone in my dreams about forever
That you and I could become one and always be together
We'd grow old and wise through all the days
For worse or for better
And I'll be true beside you
Now more than ever'

My time flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All the dreams of together
Uneclipsed by never never
My time flies
I see it in your eyes
But we'll fly farther

Fifty years have ridden off into the sunset
The tears that we have cried have overflown
And here we are counting scars
Wounds of life's unending upsets
You with me, and I with you, and I will never forget

My time flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All the dreams of together
Uneclipsed by never never
My time flies
I see it in your eyes
But we'll fly farther

He picked her up some flowers on a Sunday afternoon
Road the greyhound bus past the house they used to swoon
He knelt beside the grave hung his head a teardrop fell
On the stone the epitaph shown the words he knew so well...

My time flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All the dreams of together
Uneclipsed by never never
My time flies
I see it in your eyes
But we'll fly farther"

Couldn't Have Done It Without Your Support (All Of You)

2007-05-23T18:21:00.000-05:00

Once again, it's been awhile. But hey there's a lot going on... or at least that's what I keep telling myself as opposed to "I'm just to lazy to get on the computer and type". So as you know, I graduated. It was nice... aside from the rain and the killer headache (I seriously thought I might die). But with all that behind us, it was a great night. It's always nice to actually accomplish something and even nicer to make the people you love proud. A big part of my happiness was just seeing their happiness. Indeed it was a good night. Colvin were together from Sunday night to Monday night of the following week, so the whole week plus was wonderful.

Work's been good and very good. I do love my job and it doesn't hurt that my job loves me. My boss gave me both of the two weeks this summer I asked off for. She said she would give me more hours this summer and asked if I was willing to work nine hour days. Yeah! Sure that's a long day but it means money and that's something I need. I also got a raise at work so I'm happy 'bout that too. But the greatest thing about my boss is that she really helping me to get a job at a site very close to where I'll be going to school. She called the director there and gave me a great recommendation. I'll call her tomorrow to talk to her and see if they need/want me. I get to go back to the job I have now over the summer if I want and already have hours over winter break. The goal is to be the least in debt as possible after college and for the shortest possible amount of time.

Things at home... lots of digging. We're fixing our pond, and lets just say it's a whole lot of work.

Blub Blub Blub...

2007-05-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

I don't really know what to write about. I mostly miss Elsa and have lots of pictures that need to be posted so figured I start with this one. I love her. I'm so proud of her for getting her associate's degree. I can't wait for next year. Yea work! That's what I get to do with my summer. Work and save money. I'm not working as many hours as I want right now so that kind of stinks. Hopefully I'll survive the summer with my sanity. I got a raise. Not that much but it's still cool. Elsa's the best.

An Overly Exuberant Look At The Recent Goings On

2007-05-18T16:35:00.000-05:00

School is over. I am sitting in Elsa's house. She is at work. I am waiting for her. It is Friday. We are going to my house. She graduated. I am proud. She has a college degree. I do not. Two more years of school are left. Then she will have two degrees and I will have one. I wish I was five. It has been a good week. We went some places. We did some activities. As always I try to maintain sanity. I am seven. Life is good. My brain stinks. No more thoughts. Not today.

Finished

2007-05-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

I'm done. No more exams for me... until next semester. But we're not thinking about that! I could cry I'm so happy. Summer is really here now. Hurray! I had a history final 8:00-10:00 and then a math final 10:30-12:30. They went surprisingly well. Now I just have a final project to hand in at 1:30. I might have a couple things to email my professor but the main thing is that it's nothing big, no projects or exams. Now I get to focus on what I have to hand in to my next school. And I get to clean my room. And I get to help with the gardens outside and get a suntan. And I get to work more hours and make more money. And I get to see Colvin in four days... for a whole week. Summer is so good. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just plain lying. Guess that's all for now. Smile 'cause it's sunny!

Hello, How Are You Doing Today?

2007-05-08T12:54:00.000-05:00

Well it's been a while. Everything is going pretty well I guess. School is almost over with so that's cool. Two exams down down two to go. I don't care about exams. That's a sucky attitude but it's the best I can do. It's been a long semester and it's so close to being over I struggle to care any more. I have had so many projects due in the past couple of weeks I guess I'm just kind of burnt out. Hopefully I'll still manage to pull off A's and B's. Actually I'm not too worried about A's and B's I'm more worried about blowing the A's I've worked hard all semester for. I'll make it either way.

Summer is coming so that's cool. I can't wait for it. Summer is incredible based on principle alone. Trips to beaches and camping and other such joys are just icing on the cake. Working pretty much full-time this summer will probably have it's lame moments but I suppose it'll all be worth it in the end. Saving money is hard. It's always easier to spend money than it is to save it I suppose. The more hours I work the more money I'll make the better things will be in the future. I need to just stay focused. Summer will be good work or not.

Next week I'm doing nothing. Well not really. But nothing that requires very much effort on my part. Mostly just watching Elsa get awards and being proud of her. Nothing too dificult. Actually that all happens pretty naturally. I can't wait for next week even if it doesn't end in beachy goodness. Some other kind of goodness will just have to be had instead.

I can't wait for this semester to be over mostly. Next year will be better. It can't help but be. My school and work schedule shouldn't be quite as crazy and there is a certain other factor, or should I say person, that will make everything that much better. Oh yeah did I mention I love Elsa. She makes summer that much better. Well summer and everything that is. I love the beach and I love it more because she loves it. I wish I was at the beach. No, I wish we were at the beach.

Alright enough wasting your lives reading this blog, go invade a farm or something. Seriously go dig a trench. Really do it. Now.

P.S. I thought I'd change the color for spring.

More Than Anyone Could Ask For

2007-04-15T20:27:00.000-05:00

Thanks for everything.

Josyorrow

2007-04-11T08:09:00.000-05:00

The talk did not go extremely well. It fact it was an incredibly rough night. But I guess I said what I needed to say. I'm getting more excited as I think about it but really just constantly praying that I've made the right choice. I have done the best that I can and I know at the very least God knows that and so ask and trust that He will bless my labours the next to years and beyond.
I still hope someday to hear my parents say, "it's okay, do what you think is right, it'll all work out" because support from a thousand people will never replace the ever strong desire to have my parents proud of me. I was thinking how stange and yet how true it is that the people who love you the most can hurt you the most. I never doubt Mom and Dad's love for me and I never for a second stop loving them but that doesn't exactly take the hurt away either. Hopefully the saying "time heals all" will prove correct.
Anyway, though there still is that one piece missing that doesn't stop me from being happy or excited about next fall. 'Cause I am!

Gazing at the Setting Sun

2007-04-10T23:41:00.000-05:00

Gazing at the setting sun,
feel its warmth against my face,
an empty seat here next to mine,
dreaming you would take its place

Sunlight streams through window’s pane,
imagine your beauty in its rays,
I wait for you to fill this space,
hold you close and count the days

Tears Never Ending

2007-04-10T17:43:00.000-05:00

Lord willing, tonight I'm going to talk to my parents. I will listen to them and hope they do the same for me. This "talk" is going to be about at what college I will be spending the next two years of my life and earning my degree. It has been a long and very hard decision but I have made up my mind. For some reason my parents don't quite agree with my choice and so keep telling me to keep an open mind. It's extremely frustrating. I have a feeling that they think tonight's talk is about trying to convince me to change my mind... but that's not going to happen. I on the other hand just want to clearly state to them what I have chosen and why and hope that for the first time they will be happy for me and support me. We'll see. I know it's really hard for them but they must know that it's not at all easy for me either. Most of all I want to trusted. I want to know they have faith that I have made the right decision. I have put so much thought into it that my brain hurts. But not just my brain hurts, this has been a very hard past few weeks emotionally.
I was talking to Daniel yesterday and he said something like, "how can make all these decisions based on the future when you don't even know exactly how the future will be?". And that's when I realized I can't but I have to. I don't know what will happen a year from now or three years from now but I have to try the best I can to plan right for a future I don't know. I don't know exactly how long it will take to finish school. I don't know where I'll live for the next two years let alone after that. I don't know when I'll be married. I don't know where I'll work while I'm in school and after I'm done. There are a lot of unknowns in my life right now and yet I keep striving to do what's right for right now and for my future. Life is good yes, but it's not easy.
Though there are a lot of question marks floating around in my life and in my mind there are also a few thins which are sure. The first is that the Lord will be with me through thick and thin, that He will love me, watch over me and protect me. The second is that in the end my family (especially Daddy and Mommy) will always be there for me when I need them... and sometimes even when I don't :). The third is that Colvin with always love, support and encourage me.
Finally, no matter what I do I always will remain faithful to all the above listed. My Christianity will not be compromised but rather always growing stronger if the Lord bless. My family will not be disrespected. And my boyfriend will always have my heart and all that I can give him.

Short and Sweet

2007-03-06T13:31:00.000-05:00

I got my first letter back from one of the three schools I applied to. From Towson University to be exact. And their answer... Yes! I'm happy. So happy. Happy to know (even though I'm still not sure of my final decision of where to go) that I definitely won't have to spend another semester at Raritan. I am so ready to be out of there. They sent me a whole happy little folder with "congratulations" written big across the front. Hurray!
Now I am just waiting for a reply from TCNJ. I really don't care about Rowan, that was just my back up school and now at the very least we know I am not going there. Anyway, that's all. Just wanted to let you all know............ I'M HAPPY!

Oh, and I hope these pictures are better 'cause no one liked my other ones.

My Better Half

2007-03-06T13:24:00.000-05:00

Elsa never ceases to amaze me. How no matter how aweful I feel I can help but smile or laugh when she smiles at me. How everytime I hold her hand or touch her cheek it's like the first time all over again. How seeing her smile or looking into her eyes still blows me away. How things I've done with her a million times stime never cease to blow me away.

I'm mostly just amazed that she would want me to be part of her life. I remember the first time I heard that she wanted to be a teacher. It was long before we were courting. We were sitting in the back of a pick-up truck (not alone of course) hidding from the beasts of the forest. I remember thinking that a teacher was the perfect job for her. I don't remember if I told her that or not, at the time but I know I thought it. I have always been so impressed by just how together Elsa is. I'm so thankful that she would want to be a part of her dreams and watching them come true.

I'm so proud of her. I love watching her take the steps toward her dreams coming true. i wish I had my future as planned as she does. I'm so glad that she got into Towson. Not because I want her to go there I don't know where I want her to go I'm just happy because I know it means so much to her. I'm proud of her for everything she's done and for where she's going with her life.

I wish I was as put together as she is.

"All my life
I've been searching for you
How did I survive
In this world before you
Cuz I don't wanna live another day without you now

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's
Happening to you and me

All I'm gonna have
Is all that you can give me
And I'll give right back
Everything I have in me
Cuz nothing ever felt as right
As this does right now

I'll go back to before we met
Can I erase the past
Try harder to forget 'cuz
Nothing will ever be as good as here and now

Cuz when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said 'Nice to meet you, I'm your better half'"

A No Is Sure To Follow...

2007-03-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

So my yesterday was crazy. It's because I'm possibly the most unoranized person ever, that and I have no memory whatsoever. Thanks to Colvin I didn't completely forget about my honors college application for Towon... I just had to write it in two days. So here it is. Weird I know and horrible I'm sure but I just keep telling myself that's better than nothiung and the worst they can say is no. You can read it if you want. Also feel free to laugh because I know it

Towson University Honors College Application Essay

Stability Through Change

My perceptions of the world around me are not fixed, neither is my personal understanding of exactly who I am. In fact it is because I am ever changing that my views on everything, from the events of the past through to issues of the present, continue to adjust. Though some may think an unlikely place, through Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone With The Wind I was able to better establish my beliefs of what the ideal woman should be, both in her own eyes and in the eyes of others, and therefore gain a better understanding of the woman I would desire to strive toward becoming.
Though a fictional work, it allowed me a glimpse into the past and also into what the lives foremothers might have been like. It allowed me to analyze the actions and personal ethics behind them of the main character, Scarlet O'Hara, and several others in the story. The book caused me to reflect on what personal characteristics I most valued and wished to embody.
While I was reading I would often pause in reflection and wonder at, that though changes in society and even in this nation are abundant, human nature and passions are still the same. All the characters' thoughts and actions could be related back to present time and how we live our daily lives. How we relate to situations and make decisions today is no different than it was in the 1860s; everyday is full of choices some of them hard, some of them easy and obvious. Every day is full of decisions weather they be moral or immoral as judged by self and those about us. Though we may wish to eliminate our judgmental behavior it is as mush a part of our human nature today as ever before.
This book taught me that our daily judgments of the people and situations around us are what daily contribute to help make us who we are. I also learned that though challenging it is very possible for a person to break out of, or embrace the roles prescribed to them by society depending on what is their personal desire. This novel gave an example of each and showed the immense potential present to live a satisfying, beautiful life either way.
Scarlet O'Hara had goals and ambitions that were not determined acceptable for a person of her gender or position. She refused to let that stop her and pursued her dreams with passion and resolve. For this she was almost always considered improper and often openly ridiculed. Melanie Wilkes on the other hand is a constant favorite because of the way she fits just so into everyone's expectations of what is lovely, right, and proper. For this she is most loved by all.
Upon critical thought and thorough analysis, which woman is better? I don't believe it's possible for that question to have a single correct answer. Which woman would I want to be was the reoccurring question in my mind. Again a definite choice was unattainable. But then it came to me, though perhaps slower than it might have come to some, that it was not about choosing between the two, it was about blending the two. Life has to made up of part resolve, part compromise. We are thus able to both get along well in society and with humanity as a whole, and yet also grow personally. Personal growth is comprised of spiritual awareness and confidence, intellectual expansion, and continued encounters with the consequences of social acceptance and deviance. These individual attributes are measured by one's own principles or goals and also the standards and expectations of others.
An example of the qualities of which I speak is perseverance. Though Scarlet O'Hara as a whole is not my ideal woman yet when times are hard and I feel overwhelmed I'll fine myself thinking of her character and her vitality of spirit, which never allowed her to give up. It is a good picture of how strong perseverance allows humanity to adapt, when you consider the many in the novel that feared, hated and regretted change, and yet see them pressing on and overcoming the struggle to make the best of a bad situation.
It's amazing some of the concepts, that though just a novel, "Gone With The Wind" made me fully realize for the first time. There are times when change is inevitable. Each of us, even through tremendous changes, has the strength to be what we want to be. We can push through. By adding to our life experiences and by applying knowledge to all types of situations we are able to give testament to the increasing wisdom we are constantly gaining.
However, just because these things are not fixed doesn't mean that they are unstable but my life principles and aspirations shall always be based in the deeply rooted beliefs that make up who I am as an individual just as each character in the novel was unique and therefore thought and behaved accordingly.

Me, before I had to worry about college and all such nonsense. And look Mommy loved me.

How Weird (This is our 100th Post)

2007-02-27T00:42:00.000-05:00

You should check out my post from the 15th because apparently when you save something as a draft it publishes it on the day you started it, not the day you finished it. Life is just full of little surprises.

Crying Out For Consistency

2007-02-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

I wrote this in an email to Elsa but I thought I'd share it with the blogging world too:

"My life lacks consistency and it’s funny because for my entire life I have been the biggest creature of habit ever. I always feared change because I never want to stand out never wanted to be noticed. Wore the same kind of clothes to school everyday because it was comfortable. Now I feel like I change day to day. How I dress, when I eat, when I sleep. I’m always changing I couldn’t tell you why but I feel like I am. I’m still the same person at the core my skin changes everyday. My life lacks consistency which is often fun but often frustrating. I am a drifter in my own life weaving tapestries at random then praying they turn out how I dreamed. Don’t get me wrong I don’t change for the sake of attention I change because I’ve learned not to care. I’ve learned that things that seem blatantly obvious to myself are deeply hidden from those around me. I have grown up. I have changed. I love that. I wonder what I used to think I would turn out like. I wonder if the me of four years ago would even recognize the me of today. I think he probably would I think today was always in yesterday somewhere. I used to spend hours daydreaming to keep myself from ever being me. Dreaming of superheroes and athletes rather then being myself. I think I am me now. For the most part."

On another note:

It's weird I had to write about a book that I never really read for class and yet somehow four pages later I found myself still having more to say about it. Even though I only read a few chapters it still apparently had some kind of affect on me. That is mostly just a random thought. Later.

Random Pic & Random Words

2007-02-25T19:59:00.000-05:00

This is our cat, Godiva, when she was just a kitten. She has gotten prettier with time. But awww... isn't she cute. I love her. That's just a random picture and has not much to do with what I was going to say in this post.

I was just going to say that today was weird no going to church and all. We did not get any snow until late tonight so I don't think that we'll get much.

I have my first pre-calc test Monday so I have been studying for that. Yuck. Other than that I have not done very much with my day. I helped Daniel study for Spanish. I wrote in my journal. I got wrote and email. I got a shower. I ate some food, twice. And I am now writing a blog post. Wow, what an exciting life I lead. I need to study some more if I don't want to fail so I guess off I go. Sorry this was a waste of your time.

Drip

2007-02-22T14:29:00.000-05:00

Waiting stinks. I hate waiting especially when I hope I'm waiting for nothing. It's going to be a long day. I really don't want to back to school or work. I really don't care about work and school but I really don't like today all the sudden.

Brains

2007-02-19T14:38:00.000-05:00

I just remembered I don't have my five o' clock class and the most exciting part is that I remembered before I drove to my five o' clock class.

I like snow but it's on my nerves a little. My school is a mess. There is snow and ice everywhere and there's nothing like trying not to break your neck on the wat to math class. I helps my motivation so much. Actually math is my easy class this semester. I really don't mind any of my classes this semester but school does get old. Homework. That's what i hate, homework. I could seriously stand sitting in class taking notes and maybe even the occasional test or quiz but assignments I can't stand. I spend enough time in class the last thing I need to do is spend my free time.... thinking. Ewww.

I hate thinking. Once I start doing it my brain doesn't like to stop. I have a tendency to overthink things and stress my self out and that sucks. What's even worse is I know I do it and can't seem to not. Just ask Elsa, I'm crazy, I swear I am.

I had a good weekend though. I miss it already. It was absolutely perfect except for the few moments my brain spasmed and I lost my mind due to stress. I just hope Elsa sees through my insantiy and realizes that if she hangs in there maybe someday they'll be able to fix me. Neurosurgery has come along way. Actually I think my brain have exploded yesterday from all the questions Elsa's brother's were asking me. Maybe that's the problem I lack a brain. No my brain is definately here and won't shut up.

An Old, Long Story

2007-02-15T19:09:00.000-05:00

Here follows and old post and an incomplete one at that, but one I figured I might as well post rather than just delete... after all I did take the time to write it...

On my way home from work I was cold, tired and feeling like once again my day had the usual lack of having done anything exciting or worth-while. As I passed the spinning wheel diner I read that it was 15 degrees tonight. No wonder I was cold.

I was quickly home and the car only slid a little bit on my way up the drive. As I parked in the garage I thought about bringing in some of the many CDs that have accumulated in both doors but quickly decided once again that I just didn't feel like it. It was too dark to see anything was my excuse; you see the interior light in my car does not work at all. I proceeded across the drive way and up the walkway to our house, but before I reached the door I noticed one of our sleds leaning up against the side of the house. I didn't feel much like going inside so I decided I'd try out the sled real quick. I put down my purse, grabbed up the sled and slid down the slight incline of my front yard. It was pretty fun and carried me all the way across the yard down to my neighbor's fence. Through the fence, in the neighbors field, is a pretty decent hill so I decided to craw under and try it out real quick, before I really started to get cold.

And that's where I stopped writing... cause there my phone jumped out of my pocket and died and I cried.

But to make a long story short (and explain the cow picture) here is a brief description of the rest of what happened. I slid under the hot wire fence and went down the hill and it was an amazing ride. I had to dig my heals heals into the snow to keep from going too far too fast. Oh, and my hands were so cold because no gloves will do that. Once I got to the bottom I heard a noise coming from the woods which I thought, I hoped, were just deer. Wrong. Four huge, big horned steer come walking towards me. I walk away slowly at first but then as they start to gain on me... I run. Not caring if the wire was hot or not I slid under there as fast as I could. Then I ran inside to make sure I still had fingers because I definitely could not feel them and it was almost too dark to see.

And so you think that would be good enough, but no. Fifteen minutes later Daniel and I are out there again. See it's no fun to do these things alone. Dangerous stunts are nothing with no one to see them. Though it took much convincing I finally got him under the fence with me. The only problem was that Dori came too. We were just walking to the point on the hill we would sled from and she starts barking. Apparently the steer like barking even less than just sledding and this time they came running and not walking. We ran! It was dark. It was slippery. We still ran! Or at least I did. I dove under the fence panting fiercely and realized Daniel was not right behind me. Major oh no. But no sooner had I though that than he appeared beside me. Somewhere between screaming and crying we rushed back into the house, Dori following close after. Once we reached warmth and safety Daniel told me he had slipped, tried to pull himself back up using some small trees and maybe hide behind. It did not take him long to realize hiding was not such a good plan. Upon seeing me on our property and realizing safety was not far away he scrambled under the bottom wire and without a further glance behind us we both headed to the house in haste. What a night. Lesson: sledding with big horned steer, not as rewarding as you would think, and completely terrifying if you at all value life.

So it was still a long story, but there you have it.

My iPod Has A Toothache Too

2007-02-15T13:38:00.000-05:00

It's really not funny, just when I thought I was finished with the dentist I get a really bad toothache. The whole right side of my face hurts. I want to cry... that also might be because my iPod decided to go back to hating me and playing dead. See that there picture, that's what it shows me every time I try to turn it on. Oh well. Anyway, Mommy called the dentist for me and left a message. It mostly stinks because I am running out of money to pay them. Having no health insurance is one of the more retarded things in this world. Hopefully that will be changing soon, though obviously not soon enough. Whatever. Oh, and it is SO cold outside, the kind of cold where even this lame excuse for snow barely makes it better. So who's yesterday was fun? Personally I think we should have valentine's day off of school every year but not because the roads are too nasty to go anywhere. I had to go to work even though there were only 4 out of 14 kids there. I was the first one down my driveway. My little volkswagon is so good to me. We made it safe and sound to work and back without my road being plowed at all. It did take me a couple tries to get back up the drive but we made it. All in all yesterday was fine though I felt bad about not checking the mail and just getting my card from Colvin today, which by the way was the greatest card ever. I feel bad for all the other girls 'cause they only get second best; I got the most wonderful there is... and actually I don't feel too bad about that!

Snow Day

2007-02-14T15:42:00.001-05:00

I like snow.

Here's Sompin Ta Do

2007-02-07T19:28:00.000-05:00

Create your own Friend Quiz here

What's your favorite subject?

2007-02-06T21:27:00.000-05:00

It sounds like such a middle school question, but I'm curious. I mean I'm taking this education field experience class. At first I was grumpy 'cause one of the texts (just a collection of different short essays and such) was pretty expensive. But as it turns out I like it. We have had two readings in it so far and they have been short and to the point, a good point... well written articles. We have to write a two page response to each one we read and I don't mind doing it at all. I like education, learning how to be a teacher. And I like reading and writing. Suitably my major is in Elementary Education with the specialized content area of English.

It's math, this trig stuff is going to drive me up a wall. I feel as if I've already reached my limit and it's only the third week of class. It's not a good feeling. It's not like I'm trying to complain or be whiny, I'm not. It just amazes me how different I can feel about two classes. Someone please help me if there is a way that I can get a better attitude about math. I do try; I want to not hate it. You see it's hard to put so much time and effort into something you hate so if I got to the point where I could tolerate it, it would be so much easier to do the stuff I have to do.

Really I'm not complaining, other than Precalculus II school is going very well. My job is good. Things are fine at home. I'll be going away this weekend. Things with Colvin are great. I can't wait to see him. As a whole life is good and I'm very undeservingly blessed to be able to say that.

It's Only Winter

2007-02-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

Snowflake on a nose,
frozen in time,
wish I could,
Heart in hands,
headstrong,
get along,
It's only winter after all.

Bite this chapped lip,
fingertip,
silence falling words,
Like snowflakes,
won't break,
too long,
It's only winter after all.

"The Last Word of a Bluebird" by Robert Frost

2007-02-02T20:59:00.000-05:00

As I went out a Crow
In a low voice said, "oh,
I was looking for you.
How do you do?
I just came to tell you
To tell Lesley (will you?)
That her little Bluebird
Wanted me to bring word
That the north wind last night
That made the stars bright
And made ice on the trough
Almost made him cough
His tail feathers off.
He just had to fly!
But he sent her Good-by,
And said to be good,
And wear her red hood,
And look for skunk tracks
In the snow with an ax-
And do everything!
And perhaps in the spring
He would come back and sing."

The Joys of Children

2007-01-31T19:01:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is my longest day but I guess all-in-all it's really not too much worse than any other day. History was fine. Math was incomprehensible. Education was dandy. Work was thrilling. At work five year old Kaitlin comes up to me and says, "Guess what Miss Elsa, my grandpa can take out his teeth." I love my job if for no other reason than the laughs it brings. Last week Collin was wiping out the bottom of a dirty toy bin (voluntarily) and states, "This looks like snuff. It's gross. I wish my dad would stop chewing snuff 'cause when he does and he talks to me I can see it and it's so gross." Another day last week I got an invitation from Mellanie to come over her house and watch "Baby Story" and see her sister born from when her whole family was on TV. A co-worker, Pam, confirmed that indeed her family was on television in a show called "Baby Story" and that that was closer to any family than she ever wanted to get and we laughed. I really do love babies... but watching them born into this world, ewww, not my kind of entertainment. Ok, here's one more conversation from today that Pam told me about. She said she walked up to the table serving drinks and hears Jared say to Paige, "I don't want to live with you, but I will sleep over. A sleep over would be fun." When Pam told his dad about that one his said he was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with that for at least another 12 years, and laughed. Work is good. But now Dana is leaving and they want me to work five days a week. I guess that's cool, right? Anyway, that was a long ramble so now I'll just add some more pictures, go eat dinner, read some of Isaiah, and go do some homework, talk to Colvin, and sleep.

P.S. I do love babies. I'm so excited 'cause my cousin Jessica is pregnant and so is my aunt Jill!

My Cannon

2007-01-30T17:15:00.000-05:00

It's weird, I feel all lazy when my day is not jam-packed. Today I had one class and no work. It's just strange. I'm sorry it's the opposite of your day Colvin. It's nice though to have time for homework and stuff. I even did some today. Are you proud? Anyway, I'm mostly writing so I can post some new pictures.
I mailed in my three transfer application this past Saturday. Boy am I glad to have that done. Now all that's left to do is wait. I did have a dream last night that I got accepted into TCNJ, so that's a good thing right... I think it was all just to mess with my mind.
Well my finger are cold and I have more homework left to do for tomorrow so I will leave some pictures for you and get going.

Look at Dori and tell me she's not adorable. lol.

Oh, and wait Daniel says our blog is boring. I would appreciate some feedback on this point. Is it boring? Why or why not? (ha ha, it's like a school type question) But please, answer honestly. Yeah, that's it now. I promise.

Exhaustion Takes Over

2007-01-30T14:12:00.000-05:00

Life is too much work. When creating my schedule for this semester I forgot to leave time for one thing... sleep. My 8:20 class was killer today. I sure I can survive, atleast for a while. I'm just scared that my lack of sleep is just going to keep building and that half way through the semester I'm going to breakdown. I like my classes just fine but I have an awful feeling I'm going to have to read this semester. So far I've managed to, for the most part, avoid that in my college career. Yuck life.

It's not all bad I supose. I'm mostly just exhausted and my day is only just beginning. I'm ready for it to be 10:30 already. I'm ready for February 17th already too. Or summer, or next year or to be graduated from college. It's hard to be satisfied with the present when I so look forward to the future. I need a nap.

A Grrrrrr Day

2007-01-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Educational Field Experience doesn't start for half an hour yet so I have time to make a post. At this time I have three major thoughts on my mind.
1- I hate being sick.
2- I hate stuggling to complete collage applications.
3- I hate being far away from Colvin.

It stinks that just when you think you were getting better you starting hacking up green blobs of gew from your lungs again. It stinks to have to blow your nose 20 times in the middle of lecture while sitting next to someone who now hates you and will never sit next to you again. It stinks to have a headache that makes your actual eye balls hurt. I just want to be better already.

Applications are driving me crazy. But not as crazy as the desicions I will have to make after I get answers back. Letters of recommendation are a pain. Financial aid paper work is a pain. Trying to remember the noteworthy things I have done with the past three years of my life is wearing me out. Having my mother on my back and down my throat about everything is driving me INSANE and I have no idea how to even tell her that because I know she is just trynig to do what's right and take care of me. Everyone heave a huge sigh... mothers...

I am happier than ever being a couple. I dislike all other couples. How does that work? These people in my math class are driving me crazy. How said they could be all happy and sweet and get to take the same class and sit next to each other when I can't even live in the same state as my boyfriend. I really don't know why it makes me mad, but it does. Jealousy I'm sure. Also knowing these two people from Precalc I and before they even ever talked to eachother and then thinking it was funny when they started to like eachother and flirt stupidly (they sat right in front of me) and now seeing them in Precalc II and just being all "together" and happy. I wish it didn't bother me.

Anyway, time to go. Sorry about all the hate. Tomorrow will be better I'm sure.

There Is Something Seriously Wrong With Me...

2007-01-22T20:54:00.000-05:00

I just read some of one of my school books. Voluntarily. Without it being assigned. Without even having the class it's for yet. It wasn't a text book so I guess there's still hope for me. The book is for my Music, Mind & Brain class. It's a Psychology class and if it's like the book I'm reading I'm looking forward to it.

So today was my first day of classes. I had Finite Math which stunk but at least it's not Calculus. It's about real life math applications. Yea, intrest... right. I also had my other pysch. class today, Methods I. It's pretty much statisics for pyschologists. It it possibly going to be the most boring eight hours a week of my life I've ever wasted. You know what the best part is? If I decide to be a psych. major (which is fairly likely) I get to take part 2. Joy. It's all worth it I'm sure... I better all be worth it. I also have Business Law which could be interesting too but it's at 8:20 in the morning so we'll see if I'm awake enough to be interested. Don't ask me why I have an 8:20 class. I think having no classes before 1 last semester was making me feel worthless so I decided to wake up bright and early and... I don't know, that's why I said don't ask. So I have those four classes plus Bass Ensemble and some how that means I got to buy nine books (I won't tell you how much nine books cost). At least I'll look studious as I'm failing. I supose it could be worse.

I stumbed across a DVD I made after the summer of 2005. Just slideshows and a video of a bungee swing that kind of good stuff. It made me miss summer. That one was an especially good one for me. I had just graduated from high school, wasn't working for the later part of it, and pretty much had non-stop fun for all of it. Oh yeah, that's when I met Elsa too... wonder if that had anything to do with it?

Sigh...

Daydreaming Is Good Stuff...

2007-01-18T11:06:00.000-05:00

I am alive. It's just been a very long time since I used the internet. Things are going pretty well here, other than Evan being sick the one week Mommy is away. But even that's been okay. He's a good kid. School starts next Monday. What fun. My four classes are Educational Field Experience, Pre-calc 2, US History, Intro to Nutrition. Work is going well cause making money is always good and I really do like kids and have a lot of fun there. I should not make this a long post because I have to leave in an hour and make the kids lunch before I do that.
I miss Colvin terribly but what can ya do? Having him here for as long as I did just spoiled me. Now I don't know what to do. Being this in love can be bittersweet...

Teewsrettib

2007-01-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

Life is great, yet could be so much better. Everything lately has been going well but it's hard to look on the brightside when I know one little thing could make it all perfect. It's hard to have patience and just wait for things to just fall into place but that's about all that can be done right now. I can't help but think about how much better my life would be if Elsa was just around the corner rather than 160 miles away. It can be hard. I've been able to see her alot over break and, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that but it also makes me realize what I'm missing out on every single day I'm not with her. It stinks to feel completely helpless and unable to do anything about it. Everytime I drive away from her house I want more than anything to turn right back around and never leave. The worst thing is that there aren't any options right now. The way things are are the way they have to be.

Once Elsa gets into some schools we'll see if anything changes. She transfers somewhere after this year and I'm not going to say I don't want her to go to Towson so that we can be close. At the same time I want what's best for her future and ours. So many thoughts go through my head. I don't know what tomorrow will bring so why am I not spending right now with the one I love? I keep telling myself to have a little patience and faith and it will all work out. That's easier said than done.

Mostly I am thankful. For everything in my life. I'm thankful more than anything to have the friends and family that I do. Thankful for a decent job and to at a good school. I am so thankful to have Elsa in my life I don't know what I'd do with out her. God is good.

It's a beautiful winter day outside.

Poem I Wrote Some Weeks Back

2006-12-20T11:07:00.000-05:00

Hint: the chorus is the one under the first verse. Also take note that I am no professional writer of any kind. I think it's time to write something happy about Christmas like... Tis The Season To Be Jolly. Wait someone already wrote that. Darn.
Anyway, Kathryn's birthday was fun times and that was just her fetus day and not her birthday. Well today is. Happy birthday Kathryn, hope you're having a blast. And now I have to go study for my final final: Pre-Calc. Later friends.
P.S. I love Colvin. I know you're prolly gagging but I have to write it cause it's true and fun to write. If you don't already someday you'll know just how I feel.
Okay, here's the poem...

Christmas, Not Finals. Think Happy Thoughts

2006-12-08T12:42:00.000-05:00

Once again I'm finally posting. I know it has been way too long, but I have also been way too busy. Oh and sick. Sick is not fun. Today I have to work 2 to 9. That should be fun. I actually do like my job so it shouldn't be too bad. This weekend I have to write two papers. One is two pages on homeland security for my education class and the other is five pages on Billie Holiday for voice. Monday I have a math test I really need to study for. Wednesday I have one in Biology. And neither of those are finals. I have finals in both those classes next week. And I have a recital for voice and a final for education. Oh and I almost forgot about my music final on the 19th. Lots going on. Cs and Ds here I come. Oh and over winter break I have get in my college applications. Does someone want to help me? I am applying to The College of New Jersey, Rowan University, and Towson University. Don't ask me what my first choice is cause I just don't know. I will decide after I get letters back from them. I can't wait for Christmas. I have had fun shopping for people and can't wait to see if they actually like the random things I bought. I can't wait to spend time with all my family (I did miss them just a tad over Thanksgiving) and Colvin. I'm so so glad he is coming. I'll just keep thinking about that....
Ooh, and we are going to make stockings this year! It has been forever since we have had stockings. So excited.

Closer To Satisfaction

2006-12-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

Here's more of my last post. It's a song I wrote for my Art of Great Songs class. It was suposed to be in the style of Counting Crows. For the purposes of the class I'm done with it but I wrote it in like less than an hour before class today so I might go back and improve some things. Just for my own personal satisfaction.

The Ghosts of Hollywood

I step out into the moonlight and stare into the stagnant sky,
And breathing in the cold air I can't help but wonder why,
That the stars in Hollywood are different but the movie's the same,
And we’re all riding the same track on one big run away train,
And I'm longing for the gloaming that I know will never come again,
So I'll turn back to the movie and try to remember how it began

I’m still reaching for the ceiling of this endless sky,
I’m looking for answers to the questions of how and why,
The Ferris wheel broke down with me so far from the top,
I’m stuck here at the bottom just waiting for the fat cats to drop

The world may be changing tonight,
But tomorrow we’ll wake to same mornings light,
Some days hope shines a little to bright,
So push aside your fear it’s still all right

Looking toward the sky praying for some kind of saving rain,
I’m begging for mercy when it seems like it’s already all been gave,
When this ghost called remembrance comes staggering through the circus town,
He brings an air of seriousity to this world of otherwise clowns,
But soon he will leave again and it’ll go back to fun and games,
So pour me another to help me blur away his name

It’s been two long since this landscape’s seen any sign of life,
Too long since a thing grew without the burden of pain and strife,
Cut down the new life beneath with this bleak frozen flame,
Poison another’s mind just so things always stay the same

The world may be changing tonight,
But tomorrow we’ll wake to same mornings light,
Some days hope shines a little to bright,
So push aside your fear it’s still all right

A Work In Progress

2006-12-05T01:20:00.000-05:00

I step out into the moonlight and stare into this stagnant sky,
And breathing in cold I can't help but wonder why,
That the stars in Hollywood may be different but the movie's the same,
And I'm ridding this track on one big run away train,
And I'm longing for the gloaming that I know will never come again,
So I'll keep watching this movie and trying to remember how it began

Huggles and Snugs and the Secrets to Having a Great Dectober

2006-12-05T00:37:00.000-05:00

I wish it was Christmas. School can't be over soon enough. This week is my last week of class and once I get through this week I'll be good. I don't even care about finals I just have to get through a few assignments and a presentation and I'm done. None of my finals are cummulative so they're no bigger than any of my other exams. So close.

The next three weeks are going to kind of suck even if for one of them I won't have classes. Since it's the Holiday season it's the busiest time of year at work, which means no time off till after Christmas. Which means I'm trapped in the state of Maryland. Like I said I can't wait till Christmas. I'm going to New Jersey to spend Christmas day with Elsa so I really can't wait. I'll get up early and spend Christmas morning with my family and after I open presents and stuff with them I'm out. I can't wait. Twenty days, eleven hours, and six minutes. It'll be our first Christmas together.

It got cold out. That sucks. The cold without the snow is no good. Life is pretty good though. I can't complain too much. I'm just impatient that's all.

Idioteque

2006-12-01T01:26:00.000-05:00

"Who's in a bunker?
Who's in a bunker?
Women and children first
And the children first
And the children
I'll laugh until my head comes off
I'll swallow till I burst
Until I burst
Until I

Who's in a bunker?
Who's in a bunker?
I have seen too much
You haven't seen enough
You haven't seen it
I'll laugh until my head comes off
Women and children first
And children first
And children

Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time
Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time

Ice age coming
Ice age coming
Let me hear both sides
Let me hear both sides
Let me hear both
Ice age coming
Ice age coming
Throw it in the fire
Throw them on the fire
Throw it on the

We're not scaremongering
This is really happening
Happening
We're not scaremongering
This is really happening
Happening
Mobiles quirking
Mobiles chirping
Take the money and run
Take the money and run
Take the money

Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time
Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time"

What?!?! A Quarter Short?

2006-11-13T16:14:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I like today or not. It's been a rollercoaster, I'm not sure if I like rollercoasters anymore. I hate studying. I supposedly can register for spring classes, but can I really? My test was hard, that sucked. I got a B+ on a paper that's good, kind of. It's only Monday, but at least it's not last Monday. Could be worse, could be raining? Wait, I think it might be already, either that or it gets dark at four now. I hate winter it depresses me. Yea for depression. I'm not really depressed or am I. The thought of being depressed depresses me. Are people sad because they are emo or emo because they're sad? I'm hungry. Like a wolverine. Cool pillows side-stepping trains. Later.

I Found a Vent in which to Let Out... The Things I Let Out

2006-11-13T13:08:00.000-05:00

This is going to be short because I have pre-calc in like 20 minutes but I just had to vent because... I just did okay! School hates me and that is the real reason that I hate it. I try to get stuff done and it just won't let me. Like how I am in a crowded and stinky computer lab right now because it is the only place that I could even find a computer to use. I mean how can the whole library be full? Whatever. So I came in here to try to register for classes for next semester and would it let me do that? No. Grrrrrr... >:0
Really I'm not that mad. Don't worry. Mostly I'm just ready for this semester to be over already. I need christmas. Actually, I am rather looking forward to thanksgiving because I get to spend it with Colvin and his family. Yippy! And in reality I am even excited about this weekend coming up because I get to spend it with Colvin. Five Smooth Stones play a show in Delaware this Saterday and I get to be there. I'm happy. See there, I started out grumpy but now I have even found something to be happy about. Venting is good for the soul.

big sigh

2006-11-10T19:51:00.000-05:00

Life. Why won't life just let me live life the way I want. *another sigh*. I have so much to do this coming week. On Tuesday I get up at 6:30 and volunteer for two hours and then have an oral presentation on Mozart to give to my music class. I have a whole lot of reading to do for my education class and a new song to pick out to sing for voice. Wednesday will be so fun. First, a biology exam and then lab and then a precalc exam and then work. Then I come home and cry. Poor Colvin, I don't know why he puts up with it. I have to registar for next semester soon. I have to start filling out college applications. Tomorrow I really should clean the bathroom for Mom because I have not done that in forever. She also mentioned that the microwave needed to be clean and so maybe I'll do that too just to be nice. The bright spot in my day so far was getting a letter from Colvin. It was like a month worth of letters. The first date was October 9th and the last date was November 6th. So I had a lot to read and was happy. I can't wait to talk to him tonight. See, I really am happy inside it's just all the stuff I have to do that drives me crazy. All the stuff I have to do that keeps me from the few things I want to do... I guess that's just the way of life.

I Should Be Doing Homework

2006-11-07T12:06:00.000-05:00

My next class is in an hour and a half and I should really be working on the stuff that is due today... but forget that cause it's been way too long since I have posted. However I won't use all my time blogging so my plan is to type something I wrote a little while back hoping that that takes less time than coming up with something original to write.
Here are some poems from when I was sorta sad. But I'm not sad now, I'm just typing them now. Feel free to tell me if they are crap. I just like to write. Hey and the only way I'm going to get better at that is if someone tells me how much I stink at it now. Anyway...

Failing Fall

The skies are blue
The sun pours down
Dodging the pure white pillows of heaven
The trees aren't green
And can't hold on to their leaves

The golds and browns
The orange that shines
They can't match beauty with the bleeding trees
They feel like me
Letting go of part of them

For a season
Some span of time
They must feel the hurt of separation
Knowing that one day
All will be fresh and so good

And I miss you
And I hate this
I hate using words
And I hate being forced to fail at showing you my love

Uselessness

Elastic gone to dry-rot
Stretched and tearing
A brittle autum leaf
Afraid and shaking
Ashamed and crying

Worn out lace of an ice skate
Pulled it'll brake
A leaking canteen
Wasting water slow
Saddly watch it go

Will anyone ever know

But like I said if you have opinions you can certainly share them. If you don't that is also fine considering the fact that most everyone else has a life and not time to read such a boring pictureless post. Maybe I'll add some pictures when I get home and that would make people want to read it more. Then again maybe I won't because why would I want people to read this? Maybe I'm just loosing my mind and should go now. Later... to the cool people who had too much of a life to waste time reading this thing.

I AM Beardman!!!!

2006-11-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

I had to explain to someone tonight about how I can't shave because my beard is the source of all my powers. I can't fly without it.

I'm A Lumberjack (But Not The Kind Monty Python Sings About)

2006-11-01T16:14:00.000-05:00

I have to go to class soon but our blogs been alittle neglected lately so I thought I'd post. The past to weekends have been nice. Two weeks ago I went to Windy Inn and hung out with Andrew and my family. It was fun I don't really get to see my family that often with work and school and all. It was fun.

Last Saturday was Elsa and my one year anniversary so I headed to her house to celebrate Friday night. I could not have asked for a better weekend. Friday night we went to the movies to see The Prestige with Daniel. The movie was pretty good. The end was crazy. Saturday Elsa and I went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. I know what you're thinking, nothing special, but it's what I miss more than anything when we are apart. Simple everyday things are ten thousand times more enjoyable with her. It's crazy. I love it.

Two Parts Boredom, One Part Procrastination

2006-11-01T16:00:00.000-05:00

Strike out into night,
Bright streets,
White walls,
Grey in blackness,
Ignorance the antonym of bliss,
For ignorance holds hands with death,
This ruler unbroken,
The inner facade of a just king,
Disobediance marches to an end in the blanket of night,
Laying,
Lieing,
Broken,
Breaking,
Bleeding
Dreams seep down the drain,
Silence...

Tears forced into submission by cold hard hands,
Before scarred,
Begging questions,
No answers...

The pinacle of empty discontent,
Pain of end, without soothe,
Fingers trace numbly,
"Are you listening!"
"Are you listening!"
"Are you?"

Why?

The blackness polished shines,
Hands recleansed, with blood,
The broken flower once again blooms,
Someday,

Someday?

Never...

Cuteness

2006-10-20T00:38:00.000-05:00

The weekend is almost here. Just two more classes and I get a nice relaxing weekend at Windy Inn. I must admit it's a bit of a bitersweet trip. No Elsa means not nearly as much fun. I know she has something more important to be doing so it's ok. I give her a hard time about not coming but that's not because I expect her to come but really it's just because I love her and miss her. Life's no fun far from the ones you love.

Windy Inn last year holds so many fond memories. I guess that's when I really realized that Elsa might just feel about me the way I felt about her. That weekend changed alot. All for the better. I wish she was going with me this weekend but it's ok. I'll see her Sunday and next weekend's our one year anniversary. Someday, hopefully sooner than later we won't just see eachother on the weekends. Hopefully someday soon it'll be everyday.

P.S. Bitersweet should definately be spelled biitersweet.

Heartfelt Longing

2006-10-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

Never take the one you love for granted.

Savor every moment you spend together.

I try both.

I'm pretty good about the first but on the second...

some how they still seem to get away to fast

and my memory makes a mess of all things...

there are so many moments I want to live again.

Colvin and I spent four whole days together and now I very literally miss him so much it hurts. Life is not fair. Life is good, great, even grand. I mean I love being in love more than I can tell you. But still life is not fair.

We had a really good time though.On Friday night we watched "Gone With The Wind". On Saterday we visited my grandparents because they are moving to AZ on the 29th. Then we watched and aweful movie that I then had to write a paper on for school. On Sunday we had morning services at Southampton and lunch and then came home and had a pretty relaxing afternoon chopping wood and playing some board games. I even got Colvin to ride our little blue dirt bike. Monday, Dad and Colvin and I spent the whole day out visiting two colleges. TCNJ is super nice like. We had a way cool lunch together at a Chinese and Japaniese restaraunt. It was a good day. Tuesday, Colvin spent all day at school with me, from 10:30 AM to 9:00 PM. He got to sit in on two out of three classes so that fun (or maybe not for him, more like extreamly boring). We watched a movie last night together too. Today he left at 8:45, the same time that I left to go to class.

I had a biology mid-term first and then a hour and half lab and then an hour and a half to study and then a pre-calc mid-term. Fun. Colvin had an exam today too. Poor him. He did not think that it was today... the ones that take you by surprise really stink.

Time to talk to Colvin and then sleep.

G'night people.

Trouble With Bosses & Horses (But Very Differing Kinds of Trouble)

2006-10-05T11:40:00.000-05:00

I really really do love fall. I have so many reasons to love fall. But today was just so beautiful that I could not help taking the back way home from school just to take it all in. I love were I live, am just so thankful for the place that we have. Anyway, is it weird to want to collect fall leaves for no reason at all other than that they are pretty. I still have the leaves we collected at Windy Inn that first October before Colvin and I were courting. They are special. Someday I can say to my kids "these leaves are from October of 2005, the first time your dad invited me to Windy Inn, when we were just begining to fall in love". Okay, you can say it, I'm dumb.
So tonight Colvin in coming to pick up Daniel and I so the we can go to an Audio A. concert with everyone and then hopefully go to the corn maze on Saturday. I just barely got off work tomorrow but I did so it is all good. I'm excited. I work 2:00 to 6:00 tonight and then the weekend is mine... minus a little homework time.
Something wierd did happen today and that is that Stormy (our man horse) somehow managed to get our of his stall and out of the barn early this morning so that when Dad first went out he and our mare (Marrage) were just sort of hanging out together in one feild. We did want to breed them but this was very unplanned. It was just weird. But I don't really think they did anything anyhow. So no baby horses yet. It's funny because Stormy is just not smart enough I think to do what he has to do and leave her alone. After a few hours she was just getting anoyed and being less interested than she was from the start. Daddy put her back in the barn now. Oh well. That was my exciting story of the day.
Nothing else really. I'm mean I could tell you about the kid who sits next to me in music who I am going to punch in the face because he bothers me to no end, but you don't want to hear all about that. Wait, you do? Okay. Sop today he comes in like half an hour late to class and then starts to try and tell me how he when to a skate park over the weekend and eat the half pipe and even showed me the little scatch above his eye. Guess what, I DON'T CARE. But no, he continues to explain to me why we was late to class cause his tire blew out on some what ever number road... aww poor thing... wait, no, I REALLY DON'T CARE. I'm not trying to be cold hearted but the kid is just creepy. I told Colvin and so now he is going to come in with me sometime and growl at Steve and tell him to get away... forever. And then I will be all proud and laugh. Steve and Lenny. But Lenny is just a creepy old man in my voice class. One look should send him runnin'. lol.
That's really all. My boss tried to give me a hard time about taking three days off this month, but so far I got two. That's good I guess. Only not how she tried to make me feel bad and say "now you owe me". Whatever.
I really really really can't wait to see Colvin tonight. I know I saw him on Sunday but four days is just entirely to long to have to wait for a hug. I fear that trying to explain to you how much I miss him would only make you sick. I'll spare you. I mostly just wish I could live in the same state as him so that we could be together more than one a week or more than two weekends a month. It's stinks to not get to spend as much time as you want to with your best friend.
Time for lunch now and then work and then home and eat dinner, clean my room and pack.......... and then......... COLVIN!

Run Away

2006-10-02T23:29:00.002-05:00

It's cold outside,
Where the river runs,
In midnights frozen stare,
Fooststeps trace a line,
To water's edge,
Where we'll start over there.

Counting Crows Minus Three

2006-10-02T23:29:00.000-05:00

It was a long September but now it's over. October will be better. With every month that goes by life will only get better. The sooner I'm done with school for good the better. This month will be busy but not necessarily in a bad way. Not as much work, just as much school and more Elsa should definately make it better than September.

You know what's weird? October starts with octo which usually means eight, like octogon or octopus, but October is the tenth month. It's late so sorry, that was random.

It's hard being far from someone you love. Especially when they want to be close to you as bad as you want to be close to them. That's just how life has to be. Sometimes it stinks but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, or atleast so they say. As tough as things seem sometimes I wouldn't trade what i have right now for the world. Friends, family, the love of someone who I love with all my heart. It doesn't get much better than that. But life is so much better, so much greater than that. Any way my point is as much as things may seem bad there is always a hope. Christ is our hope. No matter how ready we are to pitch in the towel, He will never leave us alone.

In the grand scheme of things I really don't have it bad at all. I may not have it all figured out but I've got enough figured out to know that all the hardest things to find I've found.

It's late so I should go before I get any more random.

a dream come true

No Funk, No Beer

2006-09-29T15:03:00.000-05:00

It's Bass Players Take a Nap Day!

Our Punxsutawney Phil didn't show his head,
So all you bass players back to bed,
So now you know it's all been said,
So take your basses back to bed.

So I show up to Bass Ensemble today and Bo says I'm tired. Ian will be our Punxsutawney Phil and if he doesn't show up will all go home and take naps. Ian didn't show up so here I am. Yup the reason for Bass Players Take a Nap Day is so you're not too tired to get drunk at the end of the day. So if you play the bass off to bed with you. This is a true story. I did not make this up so do it.

And if you don't play the bass then umm... you can still take a nap but know beer for you. I know that's discriminator but tough. Beer is only for those who've got the funk. So no funk, no beer. And know beer does not give you the funk. Have you ever seen a drunk person dance? No funk there.

Umm...yeah. So today's been a pretty good day. Yesterday was better. At least in essence that is. As far as quality of events goes today might have the edge right now but yesterday was Elsa and my eleven month anniversay so it couldn't not be a good day. Less than a month till our one year anniversary!

I love fall. It's a fun season. It's cool out and I have so many good memories of last fall. Windy Inn, Maize Quest, some good times bowling, Elsa and I starting to court. This fall will be fun too I'm sure although right it kind of stinks. Work and school how fun. Next weekend we'll all go to the corn maze and that will be cool and I do get to go to Windy Inn which is always fun. The one downside to Windy Inn this time is no Elsa. Take makes me much sad but it's not her fault. She can't help it if certain people's planning skills are lacking. Maybe eventually I'll forgive them for taking her away from me. It's really no one's fault, it just kind of stinks. I hate no one, what a jerk.

It's the weekend and even though I have to work a bunch that's still cool. Soon weekends will be some thing to look forward to again and that will be cool. Ok that's all I've got. Peace and grilled cheese.

Flying High (And Meeting Cops While I'm Up There)

2006-09-28T19:30:00.000-05:00

Daniel has a girlfriend. She's even pretty. He met her is his spanish class. I got to meet her today and she is really nice. Who would of thunk it! Her name is Michelle. So yeah, wow that's new.
Also today I got pulled over for the first time and thus received my first ticket. Grrr... $46. I failed to stop at a stop sign. But she wrote me up for not wearing my seat belt (even though I so was). Otherwise I would have had to pay$85 and gotten 4 points on my licience and had to go to court. So yeah that was exciting too.
Today was picture day at the Y so I went in before work for that and took Evan with me to show him off and to show him my pre-k friends. Then we pet some racing pigions. Then we went to the Bank so that last we could go to the bank and afford dounuts. It was a good morning, just him and I. It was nice to be late for class for a good reason.
All in all it was a good day. Odd how one day is rotten and the next day just dandy. And it's not like I'm happy about getting a ticket it's just that today I refuse to let it get me down. Colvin puts up with my mood swings so sweetly. I don't know why he loves me... but I'm am not about to complain either. But yeah, sorry to you all for my last depressing post. Today is great.
I think it is really because today Colvin and I have been courting for exactly 11 months! A year is so close, how absoluely wonderful and amazing and awesome is that? Very.

'Cause They Just Are

2006-09-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

Some days, like today, are just depressing and there is nothing you can do about it. There are just so many anoying or frustrating little things that keep piling up without invitation. Number one anoying little thing is my 100 question biology exam tomorrow at 9:00 am. Number two is how I spent an hour studying today and typing it all up to put on a notecard only to find out it never sent to me and so my time was most deffinately wasted. Oh, but I'll just stop 'cause writing this out is not really making me any happier and the list has not even gotten started yet.

These Days of... (that's just it, nothing!)

Because they're just depressing
Life seems to be regressing
Oh but who am I even addressing
And what do I think I'm expressing

And that just proves how sad I really am.

Not So Pretty A Picture

2006-09-26T00:34:00.000-05:00

my fender bender that bended my friend... er... it's late.
this picture makes it look like nothing but I was sad. it was the only time i ever hit another car.

and now it is really time to do homework cause i have procrastinated long enough.

A Pretty Picture

2006-09-19T19:44:00.000-05:00

A Boring Day Makes For A Boring Post

2006-09-19T19:27:00.001-05:00

Ok so I really haven't done much today and I'm kind of bored. I really have nothing to blog about.

I can't wait for September to be over. In October I'll actually be off from work so it won't be quite such a boring month. That and I get my fall break from school. It should just be October already and that's final. I don't believe in September anymore.

Da Life A Da Busy Me

2006-09-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

I have not posted in a very long time. But here I am.
My life's been quite busy since school started. I'm trying not to stress about things because I know that it doesn't do any good but for some reason I have a very hard time doing that. Yes, I do have 5 classes (Fund. of Education, Biology, Pre-calc 1, Fund. of Music, Voice 1) but really I'm only working like 13 hours a week. My education class requires 15 hours of volunteer service learning so I do have to squeez that in somewhere. Fun. But days like today, Saturday, I have completely off. That means I have time to actually sit down and do my homework.
Another thing that is on my list of thing to do is visit colleges. Colvin and I are trying to find dates that we both can go. We are hopefully going to visit Rowan University and The College of New Jersy sometime soon.
Mostly it's hard because I don't have time to spend with Colvin like I did over the summer. I'm tired at the end of the day. I hate falling asleep talking on the phone but lately can't seem to even help it. I miss him. That in itself is stressful sometimes. But I very honestly can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without him! God is good.
On a higher note, the kittens are so much fun and bring so many smiles when I'm feeling down. Godiva especially is so much fun. She is persistant. If she wants to play she won't leave you alone until you play with her. And the fact that she loves Dori is just great. They play together so sweet. Dori tries to pretent like she doesn't car but then she can't help but play the Godiva.
What else? Ooh, I crashed into another car in the parking lot at school and dented mine quite beautifly above the front passenger tire. And then I came home and crashed the dirt bike we just got into the circle in our driveway. That was fun. I only got 4 bruises from that, and none from wrecking the car. Yes my life is wonderful. Daniel and I went riding around the back track some today and I only wiped out once and that was in the soft mud so I did not get hurt at all.
Alright, it's 'bout time to get to homework. Write more sometime. And it won't take me as long as it did this last time. Peace. And I mean it. No stressing like me. It's not fun. I'm trying to quit.

Grinding On To An End That Has No Means (Slowly But Surely) [Part 1]

2006-09-15T00:40:00.000-05:00

It's late and so I thought I'd make a post so here it is. My band played a gig last Saturday, it was pretty sweet. Mostly it was just our friends and family who stuck around to see but all the important people were there to watch. It was outside and we played untill it was dark so all that was pretty cool. The bass drum pedal broke during my solo at the beginning of Burning Uncle Ben so I had to try to make it longer to stall while it was fixed. It's little details like that that make playing gigs fun. It was also cool because Elsa and Daniel came to see us play and Elsa drove for the first time all the way from New Jersey to Maryland, without me. Anyway that meant I didn't have to go get them, which was good because I couldn't. I think next the band needs to get started on a CD.

School has started which is both good and bad. Good because the sooner it's all over with the better bad because it's stressful. Mostly stressful on Elsa because she has five classes and work but since it's stressful on her it's stressful on me too. That's ok no one I'd rather be stressed with. In the end I'm sure it'll all be worth it. All the hard work will pay off I'm sure, or atleast that's what they keep telling me.

You know leaving this state is looking better and better by the day.

Well I guess that's about it. All and all it's about the same. Things may seem to change and change but basically they stay the same (that's kind of another Dave Matthews quote.) Ok I'm out.

P.S. The grey cat is named Dotson and is Daniel's. The black one is named Godiva and is Elsa's (and mine). They are two of the bestest cats ever. In case you all care.

P.P.S. You do care because I say you do!

The Double Five

2006-09-08T00:51:00.000-05:00

Over a month has passed since my last post of blogedness. Since the time of last I've beached, partied, Southamptoned, and back to schooled. (I've also turned many a noun into verb.) I'll skip most of the text and just go for the pics. And because the internet hates me you don't even get those right now. Eventually I'll post them. Eventually as in soon. Soon as in now.

P.S. Five Smooth Stones, Saturday, 5:30, Hereford UMC "A Day On The Grounds," be there.

Weapon of Choice

2006-08-02T14:57:00.000-05:00

I love music but for a little while I was in a bit of a musical funk. I've was feeling confined by scales and chords and like I had nothing creative to say musically. But that was then and now, now music is just everywhere. So I've been working on this new song. Just music, a bass and guitar line. I like it. It sounds good so far, or at least I like it. The best part is I just played it. I didn't worry about notes or any of that junk, just got the idea in my head and made it happen. I don't know how words will work with it, or what words but they'll come I'm sure.
Music gets me in trouble too. I got in trouble Sunday. I was figuring out what key hyms were in instead of singing them and Elsa didn't appreciate it too much. I won't do it again. And then the other day I was listening to a drum beat and it was a weird beat and before I knew it I was figuring out the time signature and when all the snare beats were. It was in 4/4. Straight eighth notes on the high-hat and then snare hits on the 2, 3 & and off-beat of 4. And for those of you who that makes no sense, it was like: tsh, tsh, coom, tsh, coom, tsh, tsh coom. Yup that's exactly how it is. Yeah. I'm out.

Water, Water Everywhere

2006-07-19T19:27:00.000-05:00

First things first, happy birthday to Katie. And we left her a message on her phone and it is going to make her happy. Happy to know that we don't rely on her when it comes to acting like retards, we can do it all by ourselves. Oh, but I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea, it is so much more fun when she's around.

Oh, but just a short post befor dinner.
Work. Today at work the same little kids tiny toilet overflowed profusely twice. So my day was great. Actually, I only had to clean it up the second time. But other than that work was fine. It was pizza day, how could it not be fine. Oh and I even had fun when we were outside. See 'cause the kids all get tiny worthless spray bottles to play with and I get the hose. Good times. You should see them run... and yeah how I somehow get soaked by pathetic spray bottles by the one the want to get wet and refuse to run and hide. Good times.

Time to eat... even better times...

Summer Nights & Numerous Sights

2006-07-14T23:13:00.000-05:00

Poor Elsa, she gets up at 8 am works all day long and then is tired and I try to keep her to listen to my nosensical ramblings. But see I did in fact let her go to sleep because I'm nice like that. I love summer though. It's muchly fun. It's so nice outside. I wander around my house on the phone with Elsa and couldn't be happier. Sure I wish more then anything she could be standing next to me talking and walking with me but the weather and just her voice is more than enough sometimes. I'm bipolar too, did I mention that. Ok well I'm not, which is probably why I didn't mention it, but sometimes I feel like I am. I was driving home from work and being sad because Elsa is far far away and I miss her but then I talk to her and I'm so happy. Sometimes just knowing she is there and for some crazy reason loves me as much as I love her is all I need to bring a smile to my face.
I love summer though the weather is so nice. Summer nights are so perfect. Warm with a cool breeze. That and I started to fall in love on summer nights. The two are now quite linked and so nights like tonight I miss Elsa much alot. But like I said just knowing she's there for me is the greatest feeling in the world.
This summer has already been great and more greatness is to come. I've been to Disney World, celebrated my birthday, and been to Kings Dominion (all with Elsa.) Still to come is Elsa's birthday, Nagshead, Southampton's annual meeting, a retrathering, and hopefully plenty of camping. I'm so excited. I can't wait for Elsa birthday because I get to see her on it. It just so happens to be on one of the two days I don't work so I'm going to visit her. I don't know what I'd do without that brief glimmer of sunshine to break up the cloudy gray monotony that is work. What would I do without Elsa? That's a scary thought. Thankfully I'm not too concerned.
By the way the picture are from my birthday. We were eating sky light snowballs with marshmellow and they were quite tasty...and we were quite ...I'll let you know the word when I think of it.

Ramblings & Completely Random Pics

2006-07-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

So today I went to work, whaduyaknow, another eight hour day put away. But work ain't so bad, kids are fun mostly. Oh, but we do have this new one, Liam, who spends his entire day asking if his mom is coming. We say, "yes, tonight, after work" and so five minutes later he says, "is mom going to come? is she going to leave me here?" It's wierd. Sometimes I wonder if he ever got left somewhere before. A lot of kids will ask when mom is coming but not usually if. But seriously, it gets so old after the fith hundred time. Now I just tell him that I hope she's coming 'cause I leave at six and don't have a car seat in my car.
What else... oh so when I come home for my one hour break mom says look who's here and I see no car and the I follow her finger to a dog. Nellie! Daniel walked down to the mail box today and who did he spy down the road but our white dog. And then she saw him and came running and followed him up the drive and has been here ever since. So Mom and Dad decided that if she could handle ten days alone in the wild of Whitehouse, that she could handle being an outside dog. She's happy. And so is Dori because she then gets the house all to herself.
Okay and enough with the boring blabbing on posts, I'm done.

My Life Really Isn't So Boring

2006-07-13T19:52:00.000-05:00

And so, mostly for the sake of old times, I blog again. No actually I really am back to having nothing to do with my life. Work. Talk to Colvin. Sleep. That's pretty much how my day runs. Oh, and I do eat somewhere in the middle there a few times and I try not to do the talking to Colvin and the sleeping thing at the same time but sometimes fail. Anyway, Disney World was awesome and Kings Fest was fun and the beach is going to be the coolest ever if August will just get to coming already. But wait, first my birthday. I want to be 19 too.
You want to know why I like work? 'Cause I get back, my first day after two weeks vacation, and there is a bottle of wine waiting for me. How cool is that. 'Cause I so look 21. lol. But I took it home and it is coming to Nags Head with us.
Not much else. Still reading Gone With The Wind. And the book of Luke. And... well that's already more than I can handle. Guess I'll stop talking about my boring life and let you get back to your's. lol.

A Long Time Coming

2006-07-12T23:08:00.000-05:00

Ok This is my proof that I am in fact still alive. I know I haven't blogged anything in many moons but I've been busy. I spent week at Disney and three days at Kings Dominion. So since I last blogged alot has happened. I'm now a 19 and ummm...it's too late for me to think of what else has happened. I'm also quite hyper from my starbux so my brain is not quite functioning-ing. Oh yeah and cyclops is not gay. The only officially gay mutant last I checked was Northstar. (Yes I'm serious. Now go read a comic book.) Oh and as far as the picture goes feel free to vomit or whatever you people do at the site of me and Elsa but I like it so it's staying.

Happy Fruit: Pineapple?

2006-06-19T21:27:00.000-05:00

Hey. My guess is that this is going to be a short post, but sweet. I love Colvin with all my heart. (See I told you it'd be sweet.) You know the song from "My Fair Lady"...
I could have danced all night. I could have danced all night, and still have danced some more. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before. I'll never know what made it so exciting, but all at once I'm fill with glee. (then comes much humming 'cause I don't know the words.)
Well it was stuck in my head all day long and I have to admit that even at work I couldn't help dancing in sqares: one-two-three, spin-two-three, while the kids were napping. Tonight work called and so tomorrow I work 9 to 6, a good eight hour day. Wait, that means I have to get up early...

Cantelope

2006-06-18T23:23:00.001-05:00

It's no fun coming home to an empty house. Ok, well my house isn't exactly empty but it is missing one key thing, Elsa. After having her for two short days it's hard to come and be without her. I know I get to see her again in a few days and then get over two whole weeks with her but it's still hard. I can't wait for next weekend to come. Then summer really starts.

Of course I can't complain about this past weekend either. It was busy and all but defiantely good times. A little less work would have been nice but I'll live. Today was a pretty much perfect day. It was really hot and humid but I had a nice ride up to Southampton with Elsa, Daniel and the Whites. Services at both Southampton and Mt. Carmel were fine and after Southampton everyone went out to dinner so Elsa and my seperation was delayed. After dinner Elsa, Daniel and I went outside and sang hymns. Eventually Anna joined us and it was much fun. You know what else? Waltzs are fun. I never thought I'd say that but they are. Elsa and I learned/practiced dancing them in the parking lot after dinner. Crazy as it sounds, that was definately the best part of my day.... on second thought maybe that's not so crazy.

2006-06-15T21:38:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow night I get to see Colvin! Just thought I'd let you all know...
Plus a completely random picture of my cats...

Sam (orange). Taylor (black). Sophie (grey).

Fish Don't Eat Fake Food

2006-06-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

So this was today. Daniel and I went fishing at Round Valley. We caught a few but brought nothing home. They were little. We went with little five worms because we were too lazy to dig for more and thus quickly ran out of live bait. Fact: fish do not like fake bait. Yeah, so we discovered that there fact and then I went swimming (up to my knees) and we took some pictures and we packed up. But it was fun. I talk on the phone to Kathyrn for a while which was nice. Not much else. I'm sure that all you guys who read this blog are out having fun after Wednesday night services at Mt. Carmel. I'm presently trying not to be jealous and feel lonely. I guess I'll just go do the dinner dishes and then get a shower and then read a few more pages of "Gone With The Wind" while I wait for my dear Colvin to call. But, hey, I'll see you guys this weekend...

I Am Batman!!!

2006-06-12T11:43:00.000-05:00

Ok well I'm not but if I was I'd own your face. Ok well I still own your face because I'm awesome like that. After all I majored in awesomeness. Later.

Work, Work, Work (And Some Other Stuff Too)

2006-06-12T11:23:00.000-05:00

I worked thirty-four hours last week. It's driving me to the brink of insanity. Thankfully I only work four and a half hours today and not at all tomorrow but by the end of the week I will have worked close to thirty. Work, work, work it seems like it's all I do. I can't wait for vacation because work is seriously bumming me out. It can't stay happy and undepressed when I'm working this much. It's just driving me crazy. I wish I was still a kid. I wish I didn't have to think about saving for the future or picking a major or finding a career or anything like that but I guess the bottom line is that I do so I should just get over it. I have plenty to look forward to when it comes to the future so I don't know why I'm complaining. I'll get over myself don't worry. vacation will bring me out of it but it can't seem to get here soon enough.

Yesterday was an awesome day though. I think it was a combination of the fact that I didn't work and that I got to see Elsa, but mostly the later. What can I say, I love her. She makes me happy and maybe it's selfish of me to want to see her more than once a week but I wish I could. I can't help it, I miss her. Such is the way of love from afar. Someday though... someday.

Head Thoughts Ache

2006-06-09T17:29:00.000-05:00

I have a wee-bit of an headache but I'll type my thoughts anyhow. I'm excited about this summer. Excited for several reasons:
1) warmth and sunshine and not winter
2) vacations: namely, Disney World, Kings Fest, Nags Head
3) getting to be with Colvin for all of those trips
4) no school! (for which I am thankful every day)
5) a good job that gives me good hours which means good money
So that's it for right now. I'm sure there are more reasons I love summer but I am failing to think of them and don't mind failing. I have been trying to eat just three meals a day instead of snacking 24/7 but that is hard and so I'm hungry and waiting for dinner. But it's all good. oh right and we are getting a new dog this Monday. She is part lab, part samoy, all white and pretty. Her name is Neala. I think Dori will be happy to have a friend.

About Not Golfing

2006-06-04T21:18:00.000-05:00

Mini golf shouldn't close at 7:30. But if it must it must. We'll make it next time. Today was, um, a day. Not a whole lot happened but maybe what did happen just shall not be shared...

Anyway, so I beat my Tetris high score and read some more of my book and went to Southampton and saw Colvin and sat next to him during Elder Smith's sermon and stopped him from playing bass in the middle of the preaching and ate food after services without it being my idea and fail at playing mini golf and drove home and talked to Daniel about odd shaped people and got home and ran away from the wet dog and then, well here I am. I'm thinking that was a run-on but school is over so I don't care. It makes it sound like I did more with my day.

Over the Hill

2006-06-03T20:48:00.000-05:00

I guess I better post an entry before everyone starts complaining that I haven't in a while. I guess I haven't mostly because I've been busy. Yup I started working. Yea work!!!! Ok not really but working at Target is better this time around. Barely but I think it actually is. I'm making more money and the thing they hired me to do actually isn't too bad but then again right now I'm really doing just what they hired me to do I'm doing five billion different jobs, well maybe only four. I'm done with work for the week which means I have thirty-six whole hours before I have to go back and then I work thirty-four hours in one week. It'll all be worth it though, I've got plenty to save up for. It really is a shame that money is so important, but the fact of the matter is that it is so I guess I better keep on keeping on and earn some.

Oh and just so you know horses are pretty cool but definately not meant to be ridden. I also know for a fact that several people are going to tell you I'm wrong but only one of their opinions matter.

The Sky Cries For Me

2006-06-02T17:28:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a grumpy post, so don't say I didn't warn you. If you're not in the mood for a grump stop reading now. So here goes... It's raining and all around yucky outside. Not even pretty light to watch or thunder to listen to, just wet gross rain. Rain that got in my car cause I was smart and cracked my window a whole inch and a half. So it is rain that also soaked my left leg while I drove home mangry and crying. I'm mad and sad and frustrated. My job at the YMCA that told me I would get more hours in the summer is failing and more than that, they are giving me less. They are giving the few hours I did have to someone else. While I was in school I worked 3 to 6 mon. tues. thur. and fri. with an occasional 8 hour friday if they needed because I didn't have class. Next week they gave the sub job in my room to Beth and also randomly my 3 to 6 on Friday. So last week I worked 9 hours this week and will be doing the same next week. That's barely enough money to put gas in my car let alone pay for school and any other crap I need.Can you tell I'm mad? I'll need to get another job soon and that is not something I wanted to have to deal with. I was happy. I thought I had a job. Okay so now that I got that off my chest... The financial aid forms I needed to fill out were due yesterday and by my own genuis I managed to screw that up. I deactivated my pin number and now have to wait for them to send me a new one. Watch me get no aid and no money from the half of a job I have. And watch me fail at life. Oh wait, but here is the good fortune (from a cookie) I got last Sunday sitting next to Colvin at a Chinese buffet. I believe it with all my heart. I wish nothing else existed but me and my Happiness.

Centered

2006-05-30T21:39:00.000-05:00

Let's see, I know that I need to take a picture of my fortune from Sunday and post that on here. I promise I will.

But other than that... um, not a whole lot has been going on. Just work

and then tomorrow not working. And I have been reading.

Reading "Gone With The Wind".

I read half of it last summer but started it over this summer but this time

I will read the whole thing. And then I will watch the movie and that will be fun.

What else... mostly looking forward to vacations (aren't we all).

Today was hot and I love summer.

7 Months with my Dream Girl

2006-05-27T00:24:00.000-05:00

Love is a crazy thing. When you'er really truely in love it's always there but sometimes, sometimes it's more than just there. Sometimes it drives you crazy. Explodes from every ounce of your being till you can't hold it in and you just want to scream. I don't know what triggers it, I don't know why it happens but I know it does. Sometimes just the thought of the person you love can do it. Just the simple thought of how happy they make you can drive you to the brink of insanity. Sometimes it's the looks. When you look into the person you loves eyes and see them looking back and you realize they're thinking the exact same thing at the exact same moment you are. I can't begin to understand just how love works, how it does the things it does but I don't care I love love. Being in love is one of the greatest things in the world.

As I said earlier, I can't begin to comprehend just how love works. I don't know how it works out for some people and not for others. How some people can fall head-over-heals only to never have that love returned while others fall head-over-heals for someone who's falling head-over-heals right back. I also don't understand how some people claim to fall out of love with someone. Real, true, love lasts forever. There is no way I could ever just wake up one morning and just not be in love anymore. True love doesn't work that way. True love is lasting. True love is treasuring every memory with the person you love and looking forward to making more memories with them. True love is wanting to spend every moment with the person you love, wanting to share a lifetime with them.

True love is what I some how stumbled upon, and I thank God for it everyday.

P.S. It'll be seven months tomorrow.

My Triumphant Return to the Land of Blog

2006-05-25T23:37:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't blogged in a while but I'm back. Yup Elsa has finally convinced me to make an entry. Since last I blogged I'v applied for a job, been to New Jersey, come home, gone back to New Jersey, come home again, gotten a job, and taken a drug test. Yup I've been busy.
I applied for a job at Target last Wednesday. I worked there for over a year but quit because of school. I know what you're all thinking: "Target? That doesn't sound like a fun job." It may not be the greatest job but it works for me. It pays well enough and I know I can get time off from work when I need to.

This past weekend I went with Kathryn up to New Jersey. We were there from Friday night to Sunday morning. Definately fun stuff. I came back Sunday morning to bring Kathryn home and brought Elsa with me. Monday Elsa and I headed back to New Jersey so she could work and I hung out up there till Wednesday. Yesterday I took a drug test because Target is a drug free environment and now here I am.

Oh yeah Andrew and I also built/are building a train. I know that this post is probably boring but such is life. Here are plenty of pictures to keep the bordom from causing your brain to melt and run out your ears. What temperature do brains melt at? You know what? Don't answer that. It was rhetorical.

Aimless Mind Wandering

2006-05-17T19:35:00.000-05:00

Colvin & Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mostly I just want to post more cool pictures (see above) because posting cool pitures is fun, but I guess I'll also tell a little about my day. I got up at 6:30 and was out of the house by 7:00 with Dad to go work at Southampton and make it pretty. I went with Dad only I took my own car 'cause I was not planning on spending all day there. Well, that turned out to be pointless cause I did spend the whole day there and just followed Dad home again. We left at 7:00 again, so I got home a little after 8:00. It was a very long day. I sat for like five minutes and the rest of the time I was up and painting. I'm tired and very dirty. Oh and hungry. Alright, so that was the whole of my day. Oh, but a question: If you were a bird and had the whole sky to fly in would you willing choose to fly in front of car windshields? Is this really as dumb as it seems or am I missing something? Okay I'm probably missing the fact that they enjoy watching me freak out for fear of a beak in my face. Yeah, whatever, just something I thought about today.

Radiance in Rain

2006-05-16T11:39:00.000-05:00

HURRAY!!! My exams are over! Yes I know I've got three papers to write but who cares, no more tests! No more classes, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks! Okay, I'm hyper. Oh, it was fun, writing my two page take-home essay part of the test an hour before class. And that was the time I was going to study, so doing none of that. Me and school just don't get along. You should've been there though, it was really pouring when I left. The driveway consisted of two small rivers and my windshield just a furry of wiper blades. And my car leaked on my left leg the whole time and that was fun 'cause I wanted to move my leg but the clutched kept wanting it right under the down spout. Oh well. The sky is blue and the sun is out now and I wonder if there will be a rainbow. It was pretty after it rained yesterday so I took pictures of our flowers. Here are some. Enjoy. Enjoy life. Enjoy life exam free.

SUMMERTIME!!!

2006-05-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

Outside the "Y"
Originally uploaded by oneblog42.

No more school. My last exam of the year was this morning and now I'm done. I'm so excited. Sure I'll be working but I won't be in school so that is just great in itself. I love summer. So much good stuff going on this summer. I think I need to celebrate the end of school. I haven't figured out how yet but it needs to be done. Later.

Closer than they Appear

2006-05-11T12:27:00.000-05:00

Smaller than they Appear
Originally uploaded by oneblog42.

School is almost over. Just one more exam tomorrow at 8:30 and I'm done for the semester. So close. I'm glad. I'm burntout I don't think I could survive anymore school.

Sinced I've last blogged I've been up to New Jersey and taken a few exams. I love New Jersey. Ok let me refrase that, I love someone in New Jersey. My weekend was pretty great. I met Elsa's grandparents, went to church, went camping and got to visit Elsa at work. It's just nice spending time with her. No mater what I'm doing when I'm with her I know I'm exactly where I should be. Even just laying in the car, staring up at the sky, and waiting for her to get off work I couldn't be happier. I'm in love and it's the best feeling in the world.

Sometimes it can be hard to be happy when your friends are going through hard times though. I can only begin to imagine what Andrew is going through right now and I pray I never find out what those feelings would be like first hand. I'm so thankful for the relationship I have. I'm am blessed beyond words. I know I am and I thank God for that everyday.

How Old are You Really?

2006-05-05T13:36:00.000-05:00

Normally I don't give in to these silly quizes but this one I'm curious about. I'm 25 at heart.

Poetrying

2006-05-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

Bass in your Face
Originally uploaded by oneblog42.

Well I'm finished with classes. Sure I still have Electric bass Ensemble in 2 hours but that's not a real class. Unfortunately I'm not done with finals. The dumb thing is I don't have any till next Wednesday so I have 2 days without school but where I'm still not done with school. Maybe I'll go visit Elsa. The only thing I'm really not looking forward to about finals is the fact that 3 of my 4 finals are at 8:30 in the morning. I don't know how I'm going to drag myself out of bed at 7:00 three times next week.

Life is good. Summer is right around the corner so I'm pretty happy. The one thing that makes me unhappy is my lack of employment. Yes that's right I'm sad that I don't have a job. I hate the fact that right now I don't have one and that means I have to be more dependent on my parents for money. For me that's one of the worst feelings in the world. Soon I'm sure I will get a job and then things will be fine. I am kind of happy that I am as broke as I am. It definately has taught me to be more tight with money. Just because I have money at the time doesn't mean I should spend it.

I think this blog needs a little more creativity so I think I'll share a poem. Let's see... how bout this one:

Child

Wave crashed down and took it all
Death destruction, where it fall
With all the lives it swept away
Water blue, now turns to gray

As death churns, the knife draws near
Wheels set in motion, this grinding gear
Time grew short, still no one fled
Tears now stain the water red

The waters still, the flower blooms
New life sprouts from death and doom
From the seeds that pain hath sown
Comes new life, child of broken bone

Hmm... that's pretty dark but I like it. It does brighten up at the end there though. Without darkeness there is no light, without wrong nothing proves the right. I wrote it a while ago. After Hurricane Katrina. I'll try to post a happier one later. Ok that's all for now. Later...

6 Months with My Perfect Man

2006-05-01T19:28:00.000-05:00

Well Colvin was exactly right. The weekend could not have been more perfect... unless we had not had to part Sunday night. But I am so thankful for the time we did have. Every moment was great. Even the babies. They were so much fun and by the way, Colvin played with them too. The one at Southampton was so happy and had curly hair. I love curly haired babies. I love Colvin too (even though he does't have curly hair) lol. But yeah Mommy was getting worried and it was funny. It a good thing she did't hear me tell Covin "I want one". And it's even a better thing that she did not hear his response back to me. "That probably would't be such a good idea right now... but be careful, 'cause you know how I can't say no to you". Anyway, so we decided we would way a good year or so before we go for a baby. Okay, just joking, don't get all worried. Deffinately a joke. Okay sorry you're scared and not laughing, we thought it was funny.
Anyway, I can't tell you how excellent the whole weekend was. It was beyond explaination. And the teddy bear from build a bear workshop was just the icing on the cake. Someday I will post a picture to show you how adorable it is. It makes me happy. But like I said the weekend was just all around completely perfect. I'm pretty sure our relationship is perfect. A blessing straight from the Lord I know! Til my next post... make sure you enjoy the day... 'cause summer is coming and that is awesome.

Getting Better All the Time

2006-05-01T13:52:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by oneblog42.

Life is good. This past weekend was perfect. I don't have ton of time to go into details because my Philosophy class starts soon but it really was such a perfect weekend. Friday was Elsa and my six month anniversary so I went and picked her up at her house. On the way back to Maryland we stopped to eat at Friendly's, I haven't eaten at a Friendly's in years. After that we walked to the grocery store to find out if root beer has cafine or not. Turns out some do some don't. After a little more goofing around we headed on our way. Saturday we got up went to the ordination of the deacons at Mt. Carmel, hung out with our friends for a while then, headed home to get ready for our date. All I'm going to say is that it was perfect. If you want details you'll have to ask Elsa. Sunday was good too. We went to Church at Mt. Carmel then Southampton. It was funny because the sermon at Southampton was all about marriage and so sitting next to Elsa for that was just fun. The sermon made me very happy and that's all I have to say about it. After that me and Elsa were forced to part ways and now a day later here I am.

P.S. Elsa also played with babies, at church, nonstop Saturday and Sunday. I think her mother is getting conscerned.

Pointless Posting

2006-04-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I have written on here. I've just been busy, what can you do? Drop out of school! That's what I say too but Mommy keeps getting grumpy when I do. Not really a whole lot of anything new. Let's see... I can't wait to see Colvin tomorrow night. I can't wait for summer to start. I can't wait for gas prices to go down to something I can afford. I can't wait to go to sleep. Wow, that was all very exciting, sorry to put you through that boring hullubuloo. P.S. A picture: Camping... now that's the life!

Do You Really Know Us?

2006-04-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

So here's a quiz all about me and Elsa. Let's see if you really know us. Good luck.
(The link to the quiz is the tittle of the post.)

One Week Closer

2006-04-21T13:48:00.000-05:00

Rocket
Originally uploaded by oneblog42.

Well I've survived another week of school which means I'm one week closer to being done with school. Only a two weeks left of classes and then one week of exams then it's summertime! I know the next three weeks will be busy but at this point summer is so close I can't help but be excited. I'm also now one week closer to my six month anniversary with Elsa which is very exciting. Life is good. We're not doing anything too too special, just going out on a date just the two of us. We've been out before just the two of us but never quite like this. I know we're both excited.

Let's see, what else. I need to get a job which shouldn't be hard but it's something I need to do very soon see as how I'm broke, I need to start working on the few remaining assignments I have for school, and I need to return a library book but all that can wait because it's Friday and I'm in too good of a mood to do all that. Later.

Real Sunshine!

2006-04-20T13:09:00.000-05:00

Summer is here. I know it because it's hot outside and I'm all happy inside. Yeah I know classes are not over yet and that is the best part of summer but I am just trying to enjoy the parts we have right now. Have I told you my car is awesome? Yes, I know the passenger side window does not role down but hey who cares when the whole top comes down. You can't get more summer air than that. I love it! Time for some ice cream...

Me Being Boring

2006-04-18T13:14:00.000-05:00

I still am sick. Today I took an exam. I think I failed. I hate school. These sentences are short. It's because my thoughts are short. I have to work tonight. I really want to be in Maryland listening to a bass concert. But I can't because life is like that right now. Like how I am drinking grape juice and eating an ice cream sandwhich. And I'm sick. And they are not helping but I am hungry. I made up a new word today while I was on the phone with Kathryn. It's attactitive. My cat was being it. It's attactiveness was displayed when it tried to wrestle with my arm using claws and teeth. I told it to go away. It did. My arm was sad. But it's better now. This is my most pitiful post yet. So I'll go. I'm badly in need of a shower before work anyhow. Talk to ya guys later. P.S. The day is absolutely beautiful. Believe it or not summer really is coming! P.P.S. The hot tub was making much fog.

Sleepless Nights in the Garden State

2006-04-18T12:24:00.000-05:00

Pumpkin
Originally uploaded by oneblog42.

Has it really been a whole week since I last posted? I guess it has. Well since then I survived another week of school, spent a weekend in New Jersey, and started yet another week of school. Only three weeks of classes and a week of exams left. Summer is so close I can't wait. Warm weather, no school and fun trips what could be better. Oh wait, I know, someone to share all those things with. Hmmm... I've got that too. As Elsa said last summer was pretty much the best ever and this one promises to be even better. I can't wait. Anyway here's what I've been up to.

My Week:

Tuesday: Lets see. I had an exam in Psychology and other than that probably didn't do a whole lot. If I did do other things I don't remember them right now. Oh well.

Wednesday: My Philosophy class was canceled so I got to come home before going to Wednesday night services at Mt. Carmel. Afterwards me and Andrew went out for coffee which was nice since we haven't done that in a while.

Thursday: I tried to register for classes but failed, went to class, worked on a paper, and started working out plans for seeing Elsa.

Friday/Saturday: I headed up to NJ with Katie to hang out with Elsa and Daniel. It was a good weekend. I think the only thing lacking from it was sleep. Yeah oops we kind of forgot to do that. Well about 2:00AM Friday night we started watching a movie and that ended around 4:30. Daniel went to bed around 5:00, Katie got a snack and finally went to bed around 5:30 or 6:00. Well me and Elsa were up and talking and around 7:00 or so we decided that the sun was up and there really wasn't any reason to goo to bed, so we didn't. It was nice. Katie and Daniel slept in so we had a chance to go for a walk and enjoy the weather just the two of us. The rest of the day was spent working on setting up a place for their new hot tub, visiting the resavoir, and going out for ice cream. Definately good times.

Sunday: Maybe not as fun as Saturday but still a good day overall. We got up around 7:00 and me and Elsa headed out the door around 7:45 to go to church at Mt. Carmel. Elsa was sick which was not fun for her and as much as she likes to make it seem like I was just putting up with her I really didn't mind taking care of her. She knows that even if she won't admit it. After going to Mt. Carmel, Southampton, and out to dinner with a few people I finally made it home to my nice warm bed around 11:30 for some much needed sleep.

Monday: Mostly just went to school and then came home. Went for a walk with my family. Actually did some jogging too which was crazy of me but at the time seemed like a good idea. My legs don't think so right now though.

Tuesday (today): Went to school and tonight I have an Electric Bass Ensemble concert.

Ok well now that I've bored you with my past week I'll shut up. That was probably written more for me than any one else. The bottom line: I had a good weekend, I can't wait for school to be over, and I'm really looking forward to the 28th. That'll be me and Elsa's six month anniversary and I can't wait. She's coming to visit and it'll be so nice. Well I think that's about it. Hope I didn't ramble too much. Later.